ARTICLES & BLOG
SIX MONTHS OF EXCUSES OR SIX MONTHS OF PROGRESS?
It is pretty much 30 years since I graduated from University. My son has just sat his “A” level exams hoping to embark on his university journey. There is a lot to reflect on and a lot has changed. Let’s focus on the last 6 months.
How are your New Year’s Resolutions going?
6 Month Review
It is pretty much 30 years since I graduated from University. My son has just sat his “A” level exams hoping to embark on his university journey. There is a lot to reflect on and a lot has changed. Let’s focus on the last 6 months.
How are your New Year’s Resolutions going?
Did you see them through? Did you give up? What now for the rest of the year?
Reflecting back on the last 6 months of the year is an experience I enjoy doing regularly. It allows me to savour some of the positive experiences I have had, learn and grow, top up my self esteem and remind me of my purpose.
In the annual Looking Back, Looking Forward workshop done in December I reflected on the past year and made plans for this year both on personal and professional fronts. Some of the things I wanted to focus on were:
Take part in more podcasts, festivals, shows, conferences and webinars
Saying yes to opportunities
Learning & Growth
Health
A Better tomorrow : Talks in Community
More Corporate work
My word for the year : Intentional
Most of these are in progress with habits built around them though the more corporate work is one that needs attention.
The image shows the activities Happy Life Habits has been involved with these last 6 months. Much gratitude to all who have supported, shared or taken part.
We continued to deliver the 30 Day Gratitude & Journal Habit Immersion Training Course and Monthly MasterMind Group plus workshops for Mind in Barnet & Enfield. We had events on Happier Relationships and Grief, Kids Half Term activities, took part in community webinars and talks (part of better tomorrow focus). Got involved in podcasts and invited to share at summits.
Some of these were opportunities that came our way and we said yes.
Connection and collaboration is a running theme. We hosted a Happiness Festival for International Day of Happiness in March with over 15 speakers involved and also 4 days of Mental Health Awareness Week in May with various speakers and organisations. We were fortunate to have the opportunity to share some of our morning routines in a feature for the newspaper the Metro.
For corporate work - any opportunities, leads and suggestions you have are welcome and you will be rewarded.
Direction is more important than speed
Happy Life Habit is moving in the right direction though the speed of progress is less than hoped. The next 6 months we will continue to work using our strengths in particular Gratitude and the love of Learning through gratitude related activities and the MasterMind Group by incorporating ideas and learnings from books, seminars and the 300 Day Heroic coaching course I am on to add even more value. (Prices for products and services will be going up to reflect the additional value - you can benefit by joining the waiting list now before prices rise).
Please give use a review if we have positively impacted your happiness and wellbeing. As a small business this makes a big difference to us.
Love of Learning
I've binged on books and bought a few that I heard good things about.
Which of these would you start with and why?
Do you read cover to cover on dip in and out?
Do you read one book at a time till you're finished or various at the same time?
I am reading one at a time and going through one a week by applying the habit of reading 10 pages a day.
I’ll incorporate learning from these books and others into the MasterMind Group, talks, courses, training and coaching that Happy Life Habits offers. May also do an event sharing things I have applied from the books plus short videos to share on Youtube.
Just takes 1 idea, concept or practice to change your trajectory in life.
Happy Life Habits rewires hearts & minds for better productivity, happiness and wellbeing in 10 minutes a day.
We help you move out of the comfort zone and into the learning/growth zones. Our products and services help develop habits and continuous personal development.
These include the 30 Day Gratitude and Journaling Habit Immersion Training Course and the monthly MasterMind Group sessions
Great investments that produce outstanding results - guaranteed!
The Happiness Journal used by Tim Ferris, Emma Watson and Shaileen Shah (pretty much every day for the last 6.5 years) is a great starter tool to shift your mood and develop morning routines. For a DIY option the journal is available for £27 (£30 inc p&p in UK, international please enquire. Order 2 or more journals at £25 each).
This is a perfect, unique and life changing gift that can be gifted for:
teachers at the end of the year as a thank you
Birthdays, anniversaries, weddings
graduations, new job
staff / employees
In fact it has been well received as a corporate gift by staff, clients and suppliers when given by my clients. (Enquire for bulk orders and add value workshops). A journal workshop and 30 Day gratitude & journal habit immersion training course (running for the last 2 years) are also available.
Contact Shaileen@HappyLifeHabits.co.uk for any enquiries.
PAY IT FORWARD FUND
A sponsored or part sponsored space on the excellent, life changing, mind shifting 30 Day Happy Life Habits Gratitude & Journal Habit Immersion Training Course (worth £135+).
As a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer I have experienced Mental Health challenges such as stress, grief, loneliness, etc. One of the practices that science says and certainly has been my experience for better mental and emotional wellbeing is the practice of gratitude and journaling.
That is why during the start of the pandemic in 2020 we launched the 30 Day training course that has positively impacted many. There are many benefits that I can't list here but refer you to the dedicated web page for the course.
Through some generous seed funding from my old badminton club, Sonal Dave and others who see the benefits of the work we do have a small Pay It Forward fund.
If you or you know someone who may benefit from the Training Course but at the current moment are not able to due to financial reasons then the Pay It Forward Fund can help. As the name says Pay It Forward is someone having paid before to allow this opportunity. If you do take up the Pay It Forward funding we hope that when circumstances change for you that you are able to help Pay It Forward for someone else.
On registration form in the referral code put "Pay It Forward Fund" if you want to request use of the fund.
Happy Life Habits rewires hearts & minds for better productivity, happiness and wellbeing in 10 minutes a day. We help you move out of the comfort zone and into the learning/growth zones. Our products and services help develop habits and continuous personal development.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, Youtube etc links can be found at https://linktr.ee/HappyLifeHabits
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
Looking Back, Looking Forward - HLH 2021 Review and 2022 Plans
In this blog article:
HLH 2021 review
MasterMind Group 2021 Learning Segment : RCSI : The Science of Happiness & Health
MasterMind Group 2022 opportunity
A funny True story
In this blog article:
HLH 2021 review
MasterMind Group 2021 Learning Segment : RCSI : The Science of Happiness & Health
MasterMind Group 2022 opportunity
A funny True story
Many of the HLH activities, events, projects and organisations during 2021
As part of Looking Back, Looking Forward (LBLF) Workshop
I have done a Happy Life Habits (HLH) 2021 Review. I love looking back and seeing what has been experienced during the year, lessons learnt, changes made and savour the positive times. I had forgotten many of the experiences in the first half of the year. Going through this process with the workbook was positive, energising, clarifying and helped show some of the themes. I have also made exciting plans for the forthcoming year.
Why? Our Mission:
Positively Impacting Happiness & Well-Being Levels so that individuals, groups, communities and companies can engage with life in a happier, kinder, effective & more meaningful way for the greater good.
How in 2021?
By delivering and sharing various events, activities, training, projects, ideas and experiences which included:
Gratitude & Happiness :
90 Days of Gratitude & Journal Habit Immersion Training Course (3 X 1 month courses)
Thanksgiving Happiness Booster
Gratitude Journaling for Happiness for Mind In Enfield & Barnet (2 x 3 hour workshops)
Numerous Happiness Journals sold/gifted
18 Inspiration Point Podcasts of 1 hour each (12 consecutive weeks for series 2 & 3 during Lockdown)
One series was dedicated to Women, Mothers Day and International Women's Day
Celebrated International Day of Happiness
Using the Wonder platform and having a variety of speakers, coaches, therapists, practitioners share in zones for Laughter, Relaxation, dealing with loss and conversations
Talk at Healing Our Earth
6 MasterMind Group sessions
Learning & Brainstorming solutions
Learning : 10 modules on The Science of Health and Happiness by RSCI
Mental Health : Support during all of May
Happiness Boosters
Daily reflective questions in FB group
Daily release of video series during MHAW in website, LinkedIn, HLH Community, Asian Parents Club, Oshwal Connect and Covid 19 Mental Health Support
Talks on MH - APC x 2
Happiness Boosters x2
Hosting a 21 Day Simple Living Challenge
Positive Grief:
100 mins talk at Shishukunj Bethak - at Bhavan, live streamed on Zoom and recorded
Recording made into smaller bite sized videos and shared on website, FB during National Grief Awareness Week
Talk on Positive Grief given in Gujarati at Shishukunj Anandkunj for elderly audience
Positive Grief and Gratitude shared at Living Bridge Conversations with Tony Patti - Iglobal News
Talks on Science of Happiness, Gratitude, Mental Health, Grief, The Role of Effective Self care in Positive Leadership, Habits for:
Xerox The Women’s Alliance
Iglobal iWellness Show,
iRadio Podcast with Tony Patti
Living Bridge Conversations
Shishukunj (x2)
Shrimad Rajchandra Dharampur Mission Wellness Series
Healing Our Earth (International Day of Happiness)
Shared through various articles, blog posts etc on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube, WhatsApp and the HLH website.
Training/Learning undertaken
Mental Health First Aid & Mental Health Advocacy in the Workplace Level 2 Certification
6 weeks PQ Coaching Program
10 Module RSCI The Science of Happiness & Health
Various Bob Proctor, Robin Sharma and other trainings
Results: How many people did we Positively Impact their Happiness & Wellbeing Levels?
We have no idea. It’s not something we can measure.
Were you one?
One thing I know for sure is that one person did have a positive impact on their happiness and wellbeing levels from each and every one of these events, activities, training, projects, ideas and experiences. And that’s me! Thank you for the opportunities, support, encouragement, feedback and referrals.
Register here Happy Life Habits MMG 2022
MasterMind Group Learning Segment : RCSI : The Science of Happiness & Health
As part of the monthly MasterMind Group (MMG) we have a learning segment and a brain problem solving segment. For the learning segment we have been doing the RSCI : The Science of Happiness & Health Course. In the original course there were 25,000 people registered on it.
I had details about the course shared with me, looked at it, loved it and shared the opportunity with the MMG.
In the MMG we have worked through the 10 module curriculum taking 2-3 videos each month, watching them in our own time, making notes and then sharing them together at the MMG meeting.
I loved it as it resonated with what I learn and share drawing upon teachings from :
Stephen Covey
Viktor Frankl
Carol Dweck
Sonya Lyubomirsky
Martin Seligman
Barbara Fredrickson
Mihaly Csiksentmihalyi
Kristen Neff
James Clear
Charles Duhigg
The course shares these concepts on Increasing our Health and Happiness:
Understanding PERMA
Develop a Growth Mindset
Develop our Optimism
Understand mind-body relationships
Practising Mindfulness Meditation
Learning from the Blue Zones
Understanding our meaning & purpose ‘ikigai’
Practising Gratitude and Forgiveness
Explaining our Time perceptions
Developing positive resonance with others
Practising Empathy, compassion for others and self
Letting Positive Emotions broaden and build us
Identifying and using our personal strengths
Identifying and changing our stories
The practical daily habits we can do are:
Breathe
Meditate
Cultivate Compassion for self and others
Managing thinking process
Managing behaviour by observing thoughts (mindfulness)
Stories we tell ourselves
Positive Emotions leading to flourishing
Flow/Focus
Grow towards the light
Here is a video of the last module - worth watching
Here is what MMG members have shared of their experience:
"I've really enjoyed the learning segment which has touched on some of my degree work. Discovering how to put the learning to use as an individual when interacting with the other 'minds' of the group is fun and informative. I walk away every time feeling better about my development."
"An enriching and rewarding experience that stretched my mind, allowed the exploration of topics that I wouldn't come across in my day job, and practical insights of actions to take that I will benefit from now and in the future."
MasterMind Group 2022 opportunity
Take a moment to reflect on the last year. Also look forward to where you want to be, what you want to have experienced and learnt by this time next year. Take control and supercharge your development in 2022 so when you look back you have grown and developed from where you are now. MasterMind Group is open for registration, you can register here
Register here Happy Life Habits MMG 2022
A Funny True Story
A friend recently sent me a WhatsApp message as below:
I saw you in this video! https://youtu.be/I6QwXyE0J9c
It was a video of the motivational and spiritual teacher Gaur Gopal Das titled ‘Watch This If You Need To Say Sorry To Someone’.
I was cautious as having been a victim of Identity fraud and with many scams / fraud on the increase. (I have written about that experience in Identity Theft Fraud: How I lost more than 7 figures...and so could you). I have heard of and experienced messages like this from hacked accounts where the link takes you to a dodgy site on installs malware - hence my guard was up. I asked
Hi who is this?
in order to check if the name was correct, It was, to fully check I called them, it was my friend and I explained the reasoning for my questioning etc. It was lovely to have a quick, impromptu catch up.
I watched the video, and indeed I was in the audience from a wonderful talk I had attended by Gaur Gopal Das a few years ago.
I messaged my friend to thank them for sharing and reminding me of the important message Gaur shared. It complements with the bite sized Positive Grief video I did on Contact and Connection. I’ll add it to the Positive Grief page. I also said:
Ok, I will use this funny reply next time I get message like this, I saw you in this video! https://youtu.be/I6QwXyE0J9c.
"That's not me, I know we have same hairstyle but that's Gaur Gopal Das!"
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, Youtube etc links can be found at https://linktr.ee/HappyLifeHabits
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
LOCK DOWN LAB: LIFE BY DESIGN - YOU THE ARCHITECT
This and the few related articles are about the golden opportunity we have for learning, change growth, development and transformation. Moving from a caterpillar to being in a cocoon to become a butterfly. They blend ideas and snippets on needs, mindsets, zones and actions from Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Abraham Maslow, Carol Dweck, Nelson Mandela, Robin Sharma, Forrest Gump and a few others.
This one looks at the idea of a Lockdown Lab and moving from a zone of fear to learning to growth and to contribution.
This and the few related articles are about the golden opportunity we have for learning, change growth, development and transformation. Moving from a caterpillar to being in a cocoon to become a butterfly. They blend ideas and snippets on needs, mindsets, zones and actions from Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Abraham Maslow, Carol Dweck, Nelson Mandela, Robin Sharma, Forrest Gump and a few others.
IT TAKES 21 DAYS TO CREATE A HABIT,90 DAYS TO CREATE A LIFESTYLE
LOCKDOWN LAB
Many of us have we have already had 21 days of lock down and another few weeks are in progress and there could be many more weeks. This is a golden opportunity to step out of our comfort zone and grow. This is the cocoon phase of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. An incubation/transformation period. We have an explorative lab where we are both the subject of that lab as well as the experimenter. We are both the architect and the product of the design. We can come out at the other end, when ever that will be, as a better, improved, more resilience, capable, productive, effective, compassionate version of ourselves or we can choose to maintain the status quo and stay as just it. We can choose to improve areas of our physical, mental, social/emotional and spiritual dimensions. This great little video by Jean-Pierre De Villers (JPDV) is about Being Like Nelson Mandela shares how Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years (we are in lock down for a few weeks or months, hopefully not years!). He shares
“I wasn’t in prison, I was preparing” - Nelson Mandela
What can you prepare for during the time in lock down? JPDV also shares a focus on Contribution Vs Consumption and about showing up in love, gratitude and service.
The graphic shows some of the potential zones we can operate from and spend time in during a crisis/challenge such as COVID-19. As I was writing about comfort zones I found some more graphics which this one is based upon and adapted from where the far left circle “Who do I want to be during COVID-19” actually says “Comfort Zone”.
We can choose to be in the fear zone and express the behaviours that are fed by fear including complaining and victim mode. This is a very reactive zone. We all probably spent some time in that zone when the pandemic broke out where we were. How long we spend there is our choice and some will spend most of the pandemic time / lock down period there while others will choose to transition to the learning zone. In the learning zone we observe, reflect, think contemplate, seek reliable information and make choices on how we want to respond. In continuing to do this we step into the growth zone where we have expanded our knowledge, skills, attitude, capabilities and impact. We have expanded our comfort zone, we have made it grow. The learning and growth zones are where we are choosing our response. We are becoming more. Personally, I would split the growth zone and move some of the items from there to the zone of contribution/service.
I don’t have any medical qualifications, not even a scouts badge for first aid (might be to do with the fact I never went to the scouts!) or any training in neuroscience. However, how the brain works, the potential we have and how we learn has fascinated me for a long time hence my interest in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), accelerated learning, habits, emotions, behaviour, psychology and such like areas. Here I share what I have understood, caveat, it may not be medically accurate! What I have understood is that the theory about different parts of the brain have different functions. Brain functions are complex and some of the models describe that we have the left (logic, reasoning, intelligence etc) and right (creative, emotion, intuition etc) sides as well as another model about the 3 brains: (1) The Reptilian (housekeeping) , (2) Mammalian/Limbic (Emotion) and (3) the NeoCortex (thinking/reasoning). The Amygdala, a part of the brain in the Limbic brain has a key role in fear response, our survival mechanism / threat /stress system to instigate our fight, flight or freeze response to a situation. It sends a distress signal to the hypthalamus in a chain of reactions that result in the release of hormones cortisol and adrenaline. These are part of our stress response. What happens is that anything such as a loud noise, an unfamiliar object or situation can activate the threat system and release these stress hormones getting us ready at a perceived threat which may not actually be a threat. We keep doing this and not dissipate the stress chemicals we will suffer prolonged stress and all associated with it such as anxiety, worry, sleep disorder, food disorder, chronic pain, depression, lack of connectivity etc. What we want to do is learn practices that help shift control to the neocortex the thinking /reasoning brain to actually assess and decide if it is a real threat. If it is a threat the neocortex can give control to the limbic brain and the Amygdala and let them do their stuff. If it is not a real immediate threat no need to be anxious, fearful or releasing the stress hormones. Instead it can focus on a response as opposed to a reaction.
Source Swissotel Hotel and Resorts
With learning and practices such as mindfulness, meditation, gratitude and such what we are doing is move control to the neocortex to choose a response. We are moving from the Fear Zone to Learning, Growth and Contribution Zones. In short we are using the higher capacities of the evolved brain. Moving from reflex reaction to choosing response. Taking more control of our circumstances as opposed to the circumstances controlling us.
Robin Sharma in Winning in Hard Times shares lots of great ideas for both personal and business. He shares:
Heroes are built in times of storm
The old must fall away for something better to be created
Enjoy the world but don’t be of the world
He cites that Churchill became Churchill, Nelson Mandela become Nelson Mandela, Rosa Parks become Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King become Martin Luther King and Gandhi became Gandhi when they dealt with and overcame an adversity or challenge. That challenge gave them the opportunity to grow and become who they became. They did not act as victims but instead saw opportunity. The Lock Down is an opportunity, it is a reset a reboot. Focus on developing character, skills, qualities and habits. It is the Quadrant II (QII) area of Habit 3 First Things First from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The stuff that is important but not urgent; what we often struggle to create time to do as we are so busy on urgent (but maybe not important things); the QII space for reflection, planning, values review and asking and contemplating the big questions.
"Unlike your fingerprints that you are born with and can’t change, character is something that you create within yourself and must take responsibility for changing." - Jim Rohn
“Making space for growth.
I was sitting on my balcony one recent morning, enjoying a cup of tea, when I looked over at our jasmine plant and realized that it hadn’t yet flowered this season.
The leaves had been reddish brown since the winter, but they hadn’t fallen. I don’t have much of a green thumb, but something felt off. So last week I decided to prune the plant, carefully removing all the non-green leaves.
The next day I came outside and there were already a dozen new sprouting leaves. The day after that, I glimpsed a handful of teeny-tiny flower buds.
This whole time I was waiting for the jasmine plant to flower, I was wondering what more it needed — more fertilizer, more water, or perhaps more sun. Turns out, the only thing holding it back from growing was its past self.
It made me wonder — how much of our growth relies on first trimming what no longer serves us?
What do we need to release so that we can flourish in the next season?
What if we were to prune all the preconceived notions of who we are?
All the regrets of the past and the anxieties about the future.
All the outside influences telling us who we should be.
The pride, the ego, the baggage — snipping and letting these things fall away.
What new season of life can we step into after we make space for our own growth?”
WHAT WILL YOU CHOOSE TO DESIGN & CREATE?
RESOURCES
Great article by Greater Good Science Centre on daily checklist questions to ask yourself during quarantine. The questions we ask help us focus, and decisions determine our destiny.
How To Not Go Crazy Under Quarantine Charles Duhigg Podcast (The Power of Habit).
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
(4) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can create a win-win result.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Happy Life Habits WhatsApp Group
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
MOANS & ZONES: BOREDER Vs BORDER
This and the few related articles are about the golden opportunity we have for learning, change growth, development and transformation. Moving from a caterpillar to being in a cocoon to become a butterfly. They blend ideas and snippets on needs, mindsets, zones and actions from Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Abraham Maslow, Carol Dweck, Nelson Mandela, Robin Sharma, Forrest Gump and a few others.
This one is about fixed and growth mindsets, comfort zones, support and challenge.
This and the few related articles are about the golden opportunity we have for learning, change growth, development and transformation. Moving from a caterpillar to being in a cocoon to become a butterfly. They blend ideas and snippets on needs, mindsets, zones and actions from Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Abraham Maslow, Carol Dweck, Nelson Mandela, Robin Sharma, Forrest Gump and a few others.
MINDSETS : FIXED VS GROWTH
“My momma always said, ‘
Life is like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you’re gonna get’.” - Forrest Gump
“My momma always said, ‘Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get’” Forrest Gump
Relating to the comfort zone concept, Carol Dweck, a researcher in the field of motivation and author of the book mindsets shares ideas about a Fixed Mindset and a Growth Mindset. A person with fixed mindset is set in their ways and feels can’t change while a person with a growth mindset believes in possibility and progress. They believe in the 7th Habit of Sharpen the Saw, Self Renewal.
In a fixed mindset students believe their basic abilities, their intelligence, their talents, are just fixed traits. They have a certain amount and that's that, and then their goal becomes to look smart all the time and never look dumb. In a growth mindset students understand that their talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching and persistence. They don't necessarily think everyone's the same or anyone can be Einstein, but they believe everyone can get smarter if they work at it.
— Carol Dweck, Stanford University
This is shared in the TED Talk The Power of Believing that you can Improve where the idea of the grade NOT YET is explained and understood that we are on a learning curve. The process and the effort is praised and encouraged rather than the end result, this helps move out of the comfort zone and create new neural connections.
I recently watched Forrest Gump after a long break of last watching it (having watched it a gazzilion times in the past). The movie has so many wonderful messages and stories. What leapt out on this recent viewing was that Forrest had a Growth Mindset which had been nurtured by his mum early in his life and helped him deal with a variety of adversities and challenges.
It let him become the best in many of the endeavours he undertook be that college football, Vietnam army soldier, ping pong champion, Bubba Gump shrimping or running long distances to name but a few. I really recommend that you watch the film again very soon. Again as writing this piece I discovered that Forrest Gump and Growth Mindset has been explored in this article The Lessons of Growth Mindset and The Forrest Gump Movie.
ZONES : COMFORT, FEAR, LEARNING, GROWTH
Relax, sit back, sit comfortably as we look at comfort zones. This concept has served me well and helped make sense of many experiences as well as take opportunities. The comfort zone is where we have control, certainty and feel safe. Where know and control what happens in this zone it where where we are content, happy and can be bored. Just outside the comfort zone are things that make use anxious, feel fear, uncertainty and be uncomfortable. We often don’t want to step outside the comfort zone and feel those things. However sometimes a situation occurs which either forces us or makes us choose to step out into the unknown.. This may be a pandemic, job loss, death, illness, opportunity of a new role, parenthood, new hobby, new friends/partners, winning the lottery, roller coaster ride, bungee jump - you get the idea. Often we will initially feel fear, nervous, anxious due to the unknown, uncertainty due to our safety mechanisms . Sometimes we may initially feel or switch to excitement, adventure, enthusiasm. What I have been told is that feeling nervous or excited occur in the same parts of the brain and release the same chemicals into our body, it is in one sense the same feeling but our representation, thoughts or meaning we give it makes it be nervousness or excitement. So on occasion when we feel nervous we could re-frame it as excitement and be at a better energy level and resourceful state. I sometimes do this before a workshop or talk when I am feeling initially nervous.
When we step out of comfort zone by a little bit, work through the fear to learn and grow we expand out comfort zone. We keep doing this and slowly but surely we keep expanding and growing. If we are caused to or choose to step out too far from our comfort zone then we risk feelings of overwhelm, not able to cope, stress and we can snap. Too much is being asked of our capabilities. To be able to deal with things way outside our comfort zone we need to develop our mindset, skill set and tool set as well as support systems. Without one or more of these we may be too stretched - a step or more too far can then cause hurt and harm (self esteem, confidence, belief, mental health etc).
OUR GROWTH IS AT THE BORDER OF SUPPORT AND CHALLENGE
To much support and not enough challenge we get lazy, bored , let others do it, do not learn, we don’t grow. Too much challenge and not enough support we break, snap, meltdown. The combination of both support and challenge has to be just right to lead to growth. This is an important consideration for parents, carers, teachers, managers and trainers. The caterpillar to butterfly story shares an example of too much support.
There is the story of a young boy who saw a caterpillar spin a cocoon. He watched it for weeks and one day noticed a small opening in the cocoon shell. He could the caterpillar working its way to get out, it was struggling. In his innocence to be helpful and not knowing any different he decided to help the caterpillar by breaking the cocoon open for it. The caterpillar emerged as a deformed butterfly with a fat body, deformed wings and not to its true potential or being. Not able to fully fly or live as the butterfly it should be it soon after died. The boy did not know that for the caterpillar to become a fully fledged and functioning butterfly it had to face the challenge itself to break open the cocoon thereby pushing the liquid its body throughout its legs and also into its wings to form the wings. It had to go through the transformation.
Like and elastic band we need to be flexible and stretch to the correct amount to be effective and useful. To little stretch the elastic band can’t do its function, too much stretch and it snaps and breaks.
Fear, Learning and Growth Zones is shared in the next article.
I’ve been observing and applying some of these ideas as I prepare to share a session by FaceBook Live - a new experience for me.
And that’s all I have to say about that!
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
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Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
![[SH]IT HAPPENS!](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5bf7c05589c1727b3aaa05e1/1587829020997-62MPZXRFEYQ0ZXHWE5LJ/Stimulus+and+response.jpg)
[SH]IT HAPPENS!
This article (is on stimulus/response and needs) and a few articles are about the golden opportunity we have for learning, change growth, development and transformation. Moving from a caterpillar to being in a cocoon to become a butterfly. They blend ideas and snippets on needs, mindsets, zones and actions from Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Abraham Maslow, Carol Dweck, Nelson Mandela, Robin Sharma, Forrest Gump and a few others.
This article (is on stimulus/response and needs) and a few articles are about the golden opportunity we have for learning, change growth, development and transformation. Moving from a caterpillar to being in a cocoon to become a butterfly. They blend ideas and snippets on needs, mindsets, zones and actions from Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Abraham Maslow, Carol Dweck, Nelson Mandela, Robin Sharma, Forrest Gump and a few others.
STIMULUS AND RESPONSE
In living our life things happen, sometimes good, sometimes bad, that is based on our perception. The bottom line is IT HAPPENS.
Stephen Covey shares how one of the most profound and truly life changing experiences of his life - one conceptually fundamental to his work on the 7 Habits was when in a meditative and reflective state he read the following three sentences in a book.
BETWEEN STIMULUS AND RESPONSE THERE IS A SPACE.
IN THAT SPACE LIES OUR FREEDOM AND POWER TO CHOOSE OUR RESPONSE.
IN THOSE CHOICES LIES OUR GROWTH AND OUR HAPPINESS.
STIMULUS AND RESPONSE - OUR FREEDOM TO CHOOSE
When we have a stimulus be that a situation, challenge, confrontation, opportunity, conversation or an interaction we often respond or more accurately sometimes react with a reflex action. That may be harsh words, anger, compassion, love, violence in our thoughts, words and actions. We often react as opposed to choosing a response. With practice, reflection, awareness and effort we can choose our response. We can learn and grow to habitualise a more empowering response.
For many of us the current stimulus is the pandemic, Covid-19, the lock down. What is our response? How do we choose respond or did we react?
NEEDS
THE 6 HUMAN NEEDS
In the TED Talk by Tony Robbins, Peak Performance Coach, on Why we do what we do he shares the 6 humans needs. 4 are related to Personality and 2 to Spirit. These needs drive our behaviour. We can have these 6 needs but one is likely to be more dominant. The 6 Human needs are depicted in the image below.
The 6 Human Needs
Tony shares about the difference between lack of resources and being resourceful. He shares 3 questions to ask ourselves to be more resourceful:
What are you going to focus on?
What does it mean?
What are you going to do?
“DECISIONS SHAPE OUR DESTINY”
MASLOWS HIERACHY OF NEEDS : DEFICIENCY AND GROWTH
Many of the 6 Human Needs shared by Tony correlate with Abraham Maslow’s Heirachy of Needs.
In the journal Scientific American, an article by Scott Barry Kaufman titled: Beautiful Minds: Choose Growth shares how the needs can be grouped into 2 main classes which must be integrated for wholeness:
Deficiency/Defense Needs - often related to fears, anxieties
Growth Needs - more related to acceptance and love
by Steve Webber https://www.interiorsandsources.com/article-details/articleid/22727/title/maslow-hierarchy-design-architecture-impacts
““One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again””
4 DIMENSIONS OF A HUMAN
These again map onto the 4 Dimensions of a Human I have referred to in previous articles:
Physical,
Mental,
Social/Emotional and
Spiritual
Covey shares that these map onto the needs to : to Live, to Love, to Learn and to leave a Legacy.
Robin Sharma refers to these as the 4 Interior Empires : MindSet, HeartSet, HealthSet and SoulSet.
We look after these needs, develop ourselves in the different needs then we live a meaningful, fulfilling, happy life. If one or more is missing or not looked after we have disconnect, discontentment and feel unfulfilled and out of balance.
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Happy Life Habits WhatsApp Group
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.