ARTICLES & BLOG
Mental Health Awareness Week (MHAW) 2022 Theme Loneliness
Resources to support Mental Health Awareness Week : Theme Loneliness include articles, videos and events.
Prassannachandra story from Jain Faith
Mental Health can manifest as physical issues
Mental Health Awareness Week 9 -15 May 2022 : Theme Loneliness
Articles, videos, events, resources
Mental Health can and will impact everyone of us in some way : directly or indirectly. The better aware we are the better we can respond. The below video is a Jain faith story being used here to highlight how a person may appear externally does not reflect what is going on internally. The image below it (shared to me by Nisanka Wickramarachchi) shares some of the physical issues that manifest due to mental health. At Happy Life Habits we share that health, happiness and the human being are based on 4 main inter- related dimensions: Physical, Mental, Social/Emotional and Spiritual. An impact in any one has a knock on effect on others. A 4 are very much connected.
Mental Health can manifest as physical issues (image by Mellow Doodles).
Mental Health Awareness Week 9 -15 May 2022 : Theme Loneliness
Happy Life Habits (HLH) is again supporting Mental Health Awareness Week (MHAW). This year The Mental Health Foundation has chosen the theme of Loneliness. This theme is a very important to me personally, I’ve written about it many a time and we strive to create Happy Life Habit events to have a sense of community, connection, interaction and belonging to help avoid loneliness.
Am I alone in thinking; actually; in believing that loneliness need not exist. We have the power in our choices of thought, speech, action to increase a bit more kindness, compassion, love, forgiveness, friendliness, mindfulness and gratitude in our interactions; to mean no one need ever feel alone. We are social animals and expressing these virtues lead to pro-social behaviours; a sense of connection and community.
- Shaileen Shah
This article from the Mental Health Foundation explains why the theme of loneliness. It shares:
Loneliness is the feeling we experience when there is a mismatch between the social connections we have and those that we need or want.
It found that the warmth of our relationships throughout life had the greatest impact on our life satisfaction and health.
During the lockdowns, we found that loneliness was almost 3 times that of pre-pandemic levels.
The Paradox is you are not alone in feeling alone.
When have you experienced Mental Health Challenges or loneliness? How did you feel? What did you do? What Helped?
I've felt lonely or experience Mental Health challenges:
1st week and 1st year at University - had no immediate like minded friend circle.
During the Summer when finishing an MSc. - Most of the other students had left the city.
In my first job during my twenties for a US consultancy when I was posted in the US for a few weeks/months - first and only birthday and Diwali on my own without family or friends.
When on honeymoon in the Maldives and better half needed an emergency operation. In a time when mobiles did not readily exist, international calls were expensive; we needed to deal with this on our own.
At work when there was after work drinks at pub, being a non-drinker and introverted I felt out of place.
When I suffered work related stress - felt could not talk to anyone.
At the start of the pandemic - see Together in Isolation article.
I felt disconnected, on my own, low, no drive.
Here are some snippets and links (click title) to Happy Life Habits articles on Mental Health, Connection, Loneliness etc. Plus one from The Charity Mind.
Together in Isolation
The communities that I am a part of; being for me a source of faith, learning, growth, health, service and social activity were all stopping events and activity - badminton clubs, youth clubs, Jain Faith School, Jain Faith Convention, meditation circles, etc. This was impacting my sense of connection, community, clarity and meaning.
— Shaileen Shah - Together in Isolation
The Ups and Downs of a Happiness Coach
During this pandemic I have been craving for connection both people to people and grateful for the technology connections, I guess with the previous articles on Happier Relationships and what I have learnt over time I understand the importance of this to our happiness, well being and mental health. I have also been through the turbulence of insecurities and validation issues.
Houston we have a problem : we’ve lost connection
Imagine if I was not in good Mental Health and maybe even Suicidal what could have happened if that one email did not come through? I know from website statistics that more than one person had read the article. The picture on the article of me sitting on a chair , on a cliff edge looking out and contemplating could have turned into standing up and taking a few steps to the cliff edge and then a few more steps…
What do we all have in common? Community
Happy Life Habits (HLH) has been working hard to serve and cultivate a community of people who want to positively impact happiness and well-being levels. When we are happy, kind, optimistic or hopeful by contagion the people around us also feel that. An act of kindness done to one person ripples out to 6 others and then with each of those 6 rippling to another 6 for three further levels.
No man is an island
They remind us we do not achieve things on our own (poem), that what/who we are surrounded by (our community, environment) has an impact on us (corn story) and we have an impact on others; and finally that real wealth, happiness and life satisfaction is in being kind, giving and making a difference to others.
The Charity Mind Resources on Loneliness
Explains loneliness, including the causes of loneliness and how it relates to mental health problems. Gives practical tips to help manage feelings of loneliness, and other places you can go for support.
Feeling lonely isn't in itself a mental health problem, but the two are strongly linked. Having a mental health problem can increase your chance of feeling lonely.
Here are a set of curated videos on the theme of loneliness and how to deal with it.
We are partnering with some groups, organisations and individuals to support in terms of awareness, community and connection. These are : Mind In Enfield and Barnet, Young Jains, Oshwal Connect, Manish Gohel (Asian Parents Club, Business Club) , Reshna Shah, Aarti O Gosrani (Oshwal Connect), Sonal Dave, Priya Shah, Hansa Pankhania and Martine Drake (Mind In Enfield and Barnet) . We ae also very grateful to Shandip Shah from Balance Consultancy in providing sponsorship for this project.
https://www.oshwalconnect.org/
Daily Evening sessions (will be recorded) with guest speakers followed by activity to foster connection & community.
Sessions on
Panel discussion on Community & Connection
The charity Mind in Enfield & Barnet sharing on Mental Health and Loneliness
How to overcome Loneliness
Stress & Anxiety in the Workplace
Suicide Prevention
See the posters below or events page for more details.
Day 1
Recordings of sessions
Here are a set of short, useful videos that Happy Life Habits has created on Mental Health drawing on my own experience of Mental Health. They share some stories, concepts, quotes and actions for you to take.
Introduction
What is Mental Health?
Impact of Stress
Thinking
Worry
Loneliness & Depression
Happy Life Habits
These all help our well being
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, Youtube etc links can be found at https://linktr.ee/HappyLifeHabits
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
What are your strengths and why be aware of them?
What are your strengths and why be aware of them?
What am I doing here?
I hated every minute, every moment.
Patience is a virtue…
Marketing is about Values says Steve Jobs
Last 100 Days or so plus next 100 Days or so
Mental Health Awareness Week 9 -15 May 2022 : Theme Loneliness
Pay it Forward Fund
What am I doing here?
I hated every minute, every moment. “What am I doing here?” I asked myself many a time. I was unhappy, frustrated, annoyed and unproductive. Losing company loyalty fast. Working late again on a task which I was ill equipped for. Not having the correct skills, knowledge or support. One that was not really part of my role or responsibilities. I was caught in the cross fire of stupid office politics between 2 departments; my department : Technology and the other department : Business Change. I was a technical lead on the project, that meant I’m a coder, designer, integrator not a business specification writer. However here I was sat at a desk in business change trying to write business specifications for the first and last time in my life. Hating every minute, every moment. Some additional back story context, the bank I had worked for had been bailed out in the financial crisis of 2008, yes that bank. It had spent silly amounts on a takeover of another bank, now I was in a changing culture, uncertain future, with managers who did not really know me, on a project from hell.
This was because I was not working from my strengths. In fact far from it.
These days when I work from my strengths I am in good flow mode, creative, productive, engaging, happy, on fire and on purpose. For an example of that, have a listen to recent podcasts/talks. Most recent is the Woo Woo Wednesday Show Podcast where we covered a lot of ground from gratitude, grief, science of happiness to Tony Robbins Firewalk Seminar and Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I was asked to share an overview of the 7 Habits - this was not pre-planned, it was spontaneous. Fortunately the habits have been a big part of my development so I was able to share my view and insights enthusiastically. I loved every minute, every moment. I was feeling energetic, connected and congruent. I was living from my strengths.
What are your strengths and why be aware of them?
Character Strengths are the positive parts of your personality that impact how you think, feel and behave.
Knowing and applying your highest character strengths is the key to you being your best self.
Character strengths are the core personality traits that define your unique identity and make you feel authentic, alive and engaged in life.
Research shows learning about your strengths and how to express them can make you happier, less stressed, more productive at work and better connected to others.
From VIA Institute on Character
As I continue learning and exploring I am regularly reminded of virtues and character strengths. These have been a core part of my spiritual development, personal development, happiness & wellbeing. In fact the initial version of the Gratitude Workshop was born more that 7 years ago at a Young Jains Virtue Lab where we explored and practiced virtues such as gratitude, forgiveness, humility and compassion. There are 4 foundation qualities recommended to nurture and cultivate for our spiritual journey. I’ll share two of them here, The first being ‘Maitri’ , universal friendliness, unconditional love and I akin it to the Buddhist concept of Metta, Loving Kindness. More on this in next blog dedicated to Mental Health Awareness Week which is on the theme of Loneliness. Another is ‘Pramod’ , recognising and appreciating the good qualities in others. This for me is an expression of gratitude and we fully experience this in the 30 Day Gratitude & Journal Habit Immersion Training Course when we do a powerful Gratitude Letter exercise.
Current coaching program and courses I have done re-iterate knowing our core virtues /strengths and living/expressing them.
I have been taking the VIA (Virtues In Action) character strengths test for the last few years. I encouraged our Master Mind Group members take the test in 2021 and we learnt more about them in the course on Happiness and Health we were doing together. Interestingly MY TOP 5 (from the list of 24 split over 6 categories : WISDOM,COURAGE, HUMANITY, JUSTICE, TEMPERANCE, TRANSCENDENCE) have been fairly consistent last few years though order does change. Here they are for March 2022.
This is great as it fits hand in glove with what Happy Life Habits is about:
HAPPY LIFE HABITS = PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT + THE SCIENCE OF HAPPINESS + SPIRITUALITY
The 30 Day Gratitude & Journal Habit Immersion Training Course expresses all 5 virtues. The Master Mind Group has learning as a core component. The community talks and free events / talks are acts of kindness and spirituality.
If you would like to find out your character strengths then you can take the free short survey by clicking here VIA Character Strengths Survey or finding the survey at https://linktr.ee/HappyLifeHabits
Patience is a virtue…
I have enjoyed the very visual posts shared by Janis Ozolins recently on LinkedIn.
This one, in relation to patience, struck a chord. I am all of the roles shown in the image. Being a parent definitely needs patience.
I suggested another one right next to parent and of same height or taller is "carer for your parent".
I suggested another one right next to parent and of same height or taller is "carer for your parent".
The last 15 months or so I have needed to cultivate my patience as I become one of the main carers for my elder mum (80+) who was widowed 15 months ago and suffers from both Parkinson's and Dementia.
Sometimes I have lost my patience but the lesson and opportunity comes again and again.
As they say Patience is a virtue and I'm all for developing and expressing virtues.
Marketing is about Values says Steve Jobs
A brilliant example of focus on strengths, virtues/values as well as conviction to a vision and sense of purpose. Watch the whole 15 minute video introducing the Think Different campaign for Apple - it is a master class, so inspiring and in hindsight what awesome foresight.
Last 100 Days or so plus next 100 Days or so
Here are some of the activities and events we have delivered and will be delivering. They include the Gratitude & Journal Habit Immersion Training Course, Master Mind Group sessions, Gratitude & Journal Workshop for Mind In Enfield and Barnet, Kids Happiness Booster sessions, Happier Relationships, Positive Grief talk for the Lohana Community of North London, Stress & Mental Health at Better plus just last month the Happiness Festival with over a dozen speakers to celebrate International Day of Happiness.
Mental Health Awareness Week 9 -15 May 2022 : Theme Loneliness
Happy Life Habits (HLH) is again supporting Mental Health Awareness Week (MHAW). This year the theme is Loneliness.
The Paradox is you are not alone in feeling alone.
When have you experienced Mental Health Challenges or loneliness? How did you feel? What did you do? What Helped?
I've felt lonely or experience Mental Health challenges (stress) :
1st week and 1st year at University
During the Summer when finishing an MSc.
In my first job during my twenties for a US consultancy when I was posted in the US for a few weeks/months - first and only birthday and Diwali on my own without family or friends
When on honeymoon in the Maldives and better half needed an emergency operation
At work when there was after work drinks at pub, being a non-drinker and introverted I felt out of place.
When I suffered work related stress
At the start of the pandemic
I felt disconnected, on my own, low, no drive.
Anyone else experienced Mental Health Challenges or loneliness and are happy to share?
_____________________________________________________
We are partnering with some groups, organisations and individuals to support in terms of awareness, community and connection. These are : Mind In Enfield and Barnet, Young Jains, Oshwal Connect, Manish Gohel (Asian Parents Club, Business Club) , Reshna Shah, Aarti O Gosrani (Oshwal Connect), Sonal Dave, Priya Shah, Hansa Pankhania and Martine Drake (Mind In Enfield and Barnet) . We ae also very grateful to Shandip Shah from Balance Consultancy in providing sponsorship for this project.
Daily Evening sessions (will be recorded) with guest speakers followed by activity to foster connection & community.
Sessions on
Panel discussion on Community & Connection
The charity Mind in Enfield & Barnet sharing on Mental Health and Loneliness
How to overcome Loneliness
Stress & Anxiety in the Workplace
Suicide Prevention
See the posters below or events page for more details.
The next blog will be fully related to Mental Health Awareness week and the theme of loneliness. Be sure to sign up for the newsletter to get it in you inbox and not miss it.
Register Now for life changing, happiness inducing events
Register Now for life changing, happiness inducing events
What an opportunity and uplifting experience. Thank you Shaileen Shah, at ‘happy life habits’.
I truly appreciate every session (and all the encouragement and support, connection and sharing in the group, and between sessions), and your incredible commitment to making it such a enriching experience.
There are so many benefits from this experience. It has opened my eyes and shown me how much more intentionally and enjoyably I can be living. I highly recommend engaging with Happy life habits.
Mary Thomson. NHS Public Governor, nurse and educator._________________________________________________________________________
Joining the Mastermind Group enabled me to be among like-minded people who all wanted to learn new things and improve their lifestyle. I enjoyed the discussions which were inspiring and uplifting. I found everyone in the group non-judgemental and genuinely interested in helping and supporting each other. Personally, they helped me resolve a difficult challenge by suggesting a few different solutions.Pragna, Carer
_______________________________________________________________________
In 2021 I joined the Mastermind group where it enhanced my own personal development and learnt some techniques to optimise my learning and energy which were put in practise as well. We also had to choose a book to the relevant topic and discuss what we grasped from it.
It's all about exchanging themes and ideas to suit your own pace and being with like minded people who want to make a change for themselves in a positive way!
This has definitely made me utilise my time in an efficient way and see what my priorities are and bringing about awareness.
Thank you Shaileen for bringing colours to all the members and touching the lives of many friends!
See the change in you as you bring happiness to yourself and others!
Reshna Shah
Finance Manager
Pay it Forward Fund
A sponsored or part sponsored space on the excellent, life changing, mind shifting 30 Day Happy Life Habits Gratitude & Journal Habit Immersion Training Course (worth £135+).
As a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer I have experienced Mental Health challenges such as stress, grief, loneliness, etc. One of the practices that science says and certainly has been my experience for better mental and emotional wellbeing is the practice of gratitude and journaling.
That is why during the start of the pandemic in 2020 we launched the 30 Day training course that has positively impacted many. There are many benefits that I can't list here but refer you to the dedicated web page for the course.
Through some generous seed funding from my old badminton club, Sonal Dave and others who see the benefits of the work we do have a small Pay It Forward fund.
If you or you know someone who may benefit from the Training Course but at the current moment are not able to due to financial reasons then the Pay It Forward Fund can help. As the name says Pay It Forward is someone having paid before to allow this opportunity. If you do take up the Pay It Forward funding we hope that when circumstances change for you that you are able to help Pay It Forward for someone else.
On registration form in the referral code put "Pay It Forward Fund" if you want to request use of the fund.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, Youtube etc links can be found at https://linktr.ee/HappyLifeHabits
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
Support & Services for Mental Health Awareness Week 18 -24 May
Happy Life Habits is supporting and serving Mental Health Awareness Week in a variety of ways. This article shares the support and services provided by Happy Life Habits and some other organisations.
Happy Life Habits is supporting and serving Mental Health Awareness Week in a variety of ways. This article shares the support and services provided by Happy Life Habits and some other organisations. I am excited to share that Happy Life Habits is fully supporting Mental Health Awareness Week in a variety of ways. Click the various images, videos, article and event links.
Look after you own mental health and wellbeing. Help others look after theirs.
HAPPY LIFE HABIT SERVING
1. HAPPINESS BOOSTER SESSIONS
The Free Happiness Booster Sessions that we have been running during pandemic has been extended to be provided Monday 18 - Friday 22 May 2020 at 9:30 am each morning.
2. VIDEO SERIES ON MENTAL HEALTH - 1 VIDEO EACH DAY
3. LIVE SESSION ON SATURDAY 23RD MAY
4. ARTICLES RELATED TO MENTAL HEALTH THEMES
5. OTHER ORGANISATION MENTAL HEALTH RELATED EVENTS
The support & services being provided by Happy Life Habits
Daily Video Series
OTHER ORGANISATION MENTAL HEALTH RELATED EVENTS
I am helping at the Young Jain Enriching Conversations event on Wednesday 20th May 20:00 -21:15 and speaking at Oshwal Mental Wellbeing Seminar on Sunday 24th May 14:00 -15:30. I attend the Friday SCVP Mindfulness class.
Avanti Schools Trust Family Well Being with Dr Kang Monday 18 May 17:30 -18:30
Mental Health for the SME and Freelance Community Thursay 21 May 11:00
Museum of Happiness Happy Minds Matter event Thursday 21 May 19:30 -20:30
Daily Meditation by my friend Deepa, her son and monkey. On Facebook “Meditate with Monkey and Me”
THANK YOU
Thank you for reading this and sharing.
Harshna and family thanks for your support and encouragement.
Priti Shah of Lightside Financial thank you for support and help in promoting mental health awareness week.
Sawan Gosrani thank you for the nudge to Bhavik Haria’s getdigital video training. Bhavik thanks for your training.
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can work a win-win result.
(4) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Happy Life Habits WhatsApp Group
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM : WE'VE LOST CONNECTION
This article follows on from The Ups & Downs of a Happiness Coach: Craving Connection. This one is about loneliness, suicide and connection. This is what its like to feel lonely.
With the massive changes we are currently facing of Social Isolation, Social Distancing, Lockdown etc. and this likely to continue for many months is going to have an impact on peoples mental health, sense of connection and people are going to feel lonely, hopeless and suicidal. This article and is here to serve as for you all to tap into you spider senses and keep aware of that tingling feeling to raise the awareness to watch out for your emotions as well as those of others. More so that ever we need to actively reach out, check in and keep connected and help others to also do so.
This article follows on from The Ups & Downs of a Happiness Coach: Craving Connection. This one is about loneliness, suicide and connection. This is what its like to feel lonely.
That’s right I purposefully put a lot of empty, blank space in, nothing there. How did that make you feel when you read it, saw it? Feel any connection?
I almost considered not writing anything and publishing just the title and introduction. At the start of Craving Connection article I had shared that:
“As an experiment, for my own happiness and a way to serve I am going to chronicle as a diary some of my thoughts (ups and downs) and actions during this pandemic…..During this pandemic I have been craving for connection both people to people and grateful for the technology connections, I guess with the previous articles on Happier Relationships and what I have learnt over time I understand the importance of this to our happiness, well being and mental health. I have also been through the turbulence of insecurities and validation issues.
So, a request dear friend and reader
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
IMAGINE IF IT HAD BEEN A CRY FOR HELP!. The clues where there “Ups & Downs”, “Craving Connection”, “Mental Health”, “Happier Relationships”, “Turbulence”, “Insecurities” . I was asking for connection, I was asking for you to email me and let me know (1) you exist and (2) that I exist. I had one email come through on the request put at beginning and end of article. Thank you my friend (to be fair I have had some other messages and conversations with others also).
Imagine if I was not in good Mental Health and maybe even Suicidal what could have happened if that one email did not come through? I know from website statistics that more than one person had read the article. The picture on the article of me sitting on a chair , on a cliff edge looking out and contemplating could have turned into standing up and taking a few steps to the cliff edge and then a few more steps…
HOW ARE YOU?
Thank you for asking…For the record I am currently I am not having any suicidal thoughts. I am in good mental health, happy, feel very connected, grateful, purposeful, and making a difference. Feeling awesome. Living my purpose and mission statement.
“I continuously contribute, learn, grow and make a positive difference to all in my environment adding tremendous value.
I am a caring, loving, supportive family member and friend.
I act with integrity, truthfulness and do the right thing.
I use my time effectively, am a creator of wealth, value and abundance. I achieve balance”
With the massive changes we are currently facing of Social Isolation, Social Distancing, Lock down etc. and this likely to continue for many months it is going to have an impact on peoples mental health, sense of connection and people are going to feel lonely, hopeless and suicidal. This article is here to serve. For you to tap into you spider senses and keep aware of that tingling feeling, to raise the awareness to watch out for your emotions as well as those of others. More so that ever we need to actively reach out, check in and keep connected and help others to also do so. If you are feeling loneliness - there is help available see resources at the end.
Here are some quotes from Happier Relationships article and workshop as well as some new ones that are worth reflecting on:
What I have been doing to remain connected… I have…
had individual planned and unplanned catch ups with friends and family - some lovely individual conversations
been involved in online communities that I was physically part of - great sharing and insights
reached out to many of my clients and contacts with a short message to check they are ok and letting them know I am here
been running Happiness Booster Sessions - really enjoying these and feel I am making a difference, see events page for future ones or get in touch :)
been building a Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
been taking part in 21 Day challenge and feeling connected to people from around the world. We had our first Zoom call recently with attendees from UK, India, USA and Hungary all sharing similar feelings with their respective lock down and situation
using video call more often to contact people
keeping mindful of my emotions, thoughts and actions
keeping my happy life habit practices in place including gratitude and mindfulness
when going for our daily walk smiling and waving to strangers
I’ve applied to be a NHS Volunteer to do role of check in and chat. We can all do that.
Let me know what is helping you stay connected
RESOURCES
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) While doing (1) if you would be interested in free 30 min video conference calls for Happiness Boosters - connection and sharing, during these times let me know if morning, afternoon or evening preference and weekday and/or weekend. I will endeavour to serve.
(4) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Happy Life Habits WhatsApp Group
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
HAPPIER RELATIONSHIPS
This article contains some of the ideas shared at the Happier Relationship workshops that Happy Life Habits delivered on 14 February 2020 at Shri Chandana Vidyapeeth (SCVP London) Jain School. The follow on part 2 session is on 28th February 2020 at the same venue.
This article contains some of the ideas shared at the Happier Relationship workshops that Happy Life Habits delivered on 14 February 2020 at Shri Chandana Vidyapeeth (SCVP London) Jain School. The follow on part 2 session is on 28th February 2020 at the same venue.
Recording of Happier Relationships delivered on 14th February 2020 at SCVP Jain School.
Relationships are integral to our lives. The happier relationships we have, the more connected, happier and meaningful our lives are. Take a moment to answer these questions and do this activity:
Think of a current great relationship / friendship that you have.
Who is it with? Why is it great ? (List at least 3 things)
What are the ingredients for a happy relationship?
What causes relationships to strain?
Why are relationships important?
What are the 3 most important relationships?
Let’s take some of these questions and look at some answers.
What are the ingredients for a Happy Relationship? Here are some:
TRUST: One fundamental idea that gets mentioned when discussing this topic, is the idea of Trust. Be it a romantic relationship, a relationship between family members, friends, business, doctor and patient, or teacher and student, there needs to be a good level of trust for the relationship to be happy. When the trust is abused or gone, the relationship deteriorates. Sometimes the trust is given straight away and at other times it is earned but when it is gone, it is difficult to rebuild.
VALUES: Having some matching values is key. Not all values necessarily need to match or align in ranking but having core values match and similar ranking is a good foundation. A bit like the intersect of two circles representing values domain in a Venn diagram. Having some different values is what gives variety and opportunities for learning and growth. When values are not matching and aligned, it has resulted in the relationship failing - be it a married relationship or a business relationship.
THINK WIN-WIN: This is habit 4 from Stephen Covey’s - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It is not about compromise or feeling that you have to give in or give up, but rather about finding a way that both parties in the relationship win, finding a solution that benefits both and both are happy to live with. When we go in with Win-Lose, Lose-Lose, or Lose-Win attitude we are already at a loss. It can become transactional and keeping count such as I gave in this time so next time they have to give in. Win-Win is seeing how best we can serve each other so overall we all benefit.
BRING OUT THE BEST IN EACH OTHER: Related to the Win-Win thinking, you bring out the best in each other, encourage each other to be closer to their potential and grow. Your are living the values, expressing the virtues both during good times and especially during challenging times.
SHARED EXPERIENCES: Shared experiences - either positive ones or challenging ones, help create bonds, memories and opportunity for growth.
COMMUNICATION: LISTEN, TALK, UNDERSTAND (DISCUSS): To really listen to the other person, without judging, interrupting, advising (unless requested) and to just hold space for them is a valuable skill to develop and amazing thing to do. Sometimes they just want to have someone listen, so they can share what they are thinking, feeling and get it out of their system. Talking and sharing conversation helps to understand each other. It lets us know what is going on and can alleviate the issues of expectations and misunderstandings. Conversations can occur during the usual day to day and does not need a designated time such as while washing up, loading the dishwasher, cooking, meal time, driving, before going to bed.
Deep, present listening and talking lead to understanding , discussion and can help deal with stress, anxiety, depression and emotional regulation.
FEEL LOVED, VALUED, CARED FOR… we want to feel loved, valued and cared for. We want to support and be supported, encourage and be encouraged.
“CONNECTION IS WHY WE’RE HERE.
IT’S WHAT GIVES PURPOSE AND MEANING TO OUR LIVES”
The Greater Good Science Centre, Action for Happiness and The Museum of Happiness all put great importance to connection and relationships as essential aspects of Happiness. The Science has shown that feeling connected is vital to our well being. Without feeling connected or having good relationships it can impact our mental health and feelings of loneliness. It has significant health benefits including better resilience and those with good quality relationships living longer.
Oxytocin, one of the happy chemicals released in the body has one of its functions to help with bonding, connection and trust. It is released in a mother when she has given birth to create the mother-child bond. It also helps with our well being by impacting the heart, arteries and vagus nerve. Low Oxytocin leads to low trust, low social interaction, weak relationships, anxiety and fear.
Through acts of kindness, compassion, touch, hugs, contact, gifts and the practice of gratitude we can increase the Oxytocin in our bodies.
“I USED TO THINK THAT THE WORST THING IN LIFE WAS TO END UP ALL ALONE. IT’S NOT. THE WORST THING IN LIFE IS TO END UP WITH PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL ALONE.”
Some of the aspects that cause a strain on relationships are: being disloyal, trust gone, not listening, expectations, less shared experiences and quality time together.
John Gottman, a researcher who has studied relationships for over 40 years is able to predict with 91% accuracy if a couple are going to stay together after a few years based on watching a 5 minute clip of the interactions between the couple. What he observed was that if there were 5 or more positive interactions to each negative one then the couple where likely to stay together and those whose ratio of positive to negative was 1:1 or less were likely to split up.
“DON’T WASH THE DISH BECAUSE IT IS DIRTY. DON’T WASH THE DISH BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD YOU TO. WASH THE DISH BECAUSE YOU LOVE THE PERSON THAT WILL USE IT NEXT.”
The concept of a emotional / relational bank account from the work of Stephen Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective people is a power one and relates to the 5:1 ration that John Gottman shared. The concept is that we all have a relational bank account in a relationship, similar to a normal financial bank account.We can make deposits and withdrawals in this account. However if we make withdrawals before we have made deposits or the value of withdrawals is greater than the deposits then we go into overdraft and that is going to hurt. The value of deposits and withdrawals are not equal, a withdrawal could have a higher value than a deposit. For a deposit to be accepted it must be in the currency valued in the recipients bank.
The Relational /Emotional Bank Account from Stephen Covey
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is a fantastic book sharing lessons on personal change from Dependence to Independence to Interdependence. It is one that has had a profound impact on me since my mid twenties. Three of the habits are all about relationships, interdependence, and how we interact with others. These are Think Win-Win, Synergy and Seek first to understand and then to be understood.
THINK WIN-WIN: This is about the attitude of going into a relationship (business, romantic or any other) with a win-win mindset. Finding or creating a solution or agreement that both (all) parties are happy with and can live with. It is not compromise where one feels that they have given up something or transactional where I have compromised / given up this time so the other party must compromise next time. It is a genuine approach to find a solution that benefits both parties where they both win and no one loses. Of course if a solution of win-win can not be found or agreed upon then perhaps a no deal is required.
SYNERGY: Synergy is all about collaboration and cooperation where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts, where 1 + 1 = 3 or more. It is where what I can do has a certain limit and likewise what you can do has a limit but together we create something that is far greater then the sum of our two limits. An example of synergy is that a plank of wood across 2 supports can hold a certain amount of weight, let us say for example it it 10 kg. Two such planks individually could hold 20 kg, however if the two planks are put one on top of another there collaboration, cooperation, synergy together allows them to hold 50 kg of weight - exceeding what they could do individually.
We are all here because of the synergy of our parents when 1+1 = 3 or more!
SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND AND THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD: is a beautiful way of mindful listening, being present and holding space. It allows the other person to share, be heard, feel valued and exist without interruption, advice, our own story, thoughts or feelings colouring the moment. In doing so they are in a better position when the time is right to understand us or what we are sharing. Really powerful for negotiation, conflict resolution or to have a deeper bond.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF SHE OR HE IS THE ONE?
I don't believe in "the one" in the soul mate sense.
I do believe there are partners out there that will bring us greatness now and in the future and in turn, it will bring us immense pleasure to bring greatness to them.
By greatness, I mean satisfaction, fulfilment, and growth in every sense of each word.
You will be both a supporter and a mentor to each other.
You are aligned on the values you are passionate about.
You will challenge each other's views and comfort each other when no one else can.
Most importantly, you respect each other enough to listen and you care enough to understand.
When you realise you are the best versions of the people you wish to be when you are around each other, you will know you never want to leave each others’ sides.
Don't be afraid to fall in love.
Dave Radparvar Co-Founder, Holstee
Resources
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Men’s brains and Women’s brains - Mark Gungor
Museum of Happiness Relationships Article
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
About the Author
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
HAPPIER RELATIONSHIPS EVENT DEVELOPMENT
I’ve enjoyed the creative process to development the Happier Relationships Workshop content being initially delivered on 14th and 28th February.
I’ve drawn upon a variety of materials from Personal Development, Spirituality, The Science of Happiness, blog posts, articles and personal experience to connect ideas and develop the workshop on Happier Relationships. I am really looking forward to share these and help impact happier relationships.
The 2 sessions are part 1 and part 2 and will involve stories, science of happiness research, activities, video and slide presentation. Open to all, free, bring pen, notebook and friends.
Happier Relationships part 1 and 2
Action for Happiness have a February Calendar on Friendship/Relationships which help stimulate ideas for action for you to take.
There is a 21 Day Simple Living Challenge on 29th February. It’s free and online. You get an email each day with an idea or activity to reflect on and action if you so wish. The email has links to a video, article or further information if you want to explore more.
A great way to shift mindset, try something new and fun and observe the benefits that lead to happiness.
Some examples are
Day 1 Declutter Your Home. Give Away At Least One Thing You Don't Need.
Day 2 Make Time To Unplug. Reduce Screen Time Today.
Day 3 Spend Ten Minutes In Silence
Day 4 Clear Out Your Inbox / Mailbox
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
About the Author
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
As an experiment, for my own happiness and a way to serve I am going to chronicle as a diary some of my thoughts (ups and downs) and actions during this pandemic. Things that I am doing and finding beneficial to my all round happiness and well being many based on the themes shared in Together in Isolation .