ARTICLES & BLOG
Live, Love, Learn & Legacy
Twas the night before Christmas …
What a year 2020 has been - no understatement there. I have had highs and highers. The year started with a lovely party celebrating the 40th Birthdays of 2 of our friends. It is ending with us grieving the sudden and quick loss of my dad. What starts must end. Where there is life, there is death. How we live, spend our time, energy and attention between life and death determines our life. In most cases we do not know if we will die today, tomorrow, next week or years from now - therefore life and time is precious.
Twas the night before Christmas …
What a year 2020 has been - no understatement there. I have had highs and highers. The year started with a lovely party celebrating the 40th Birthdays of 2 of our friends. It is ending with us grieving the sudden and quick loss of my dad. What starts must end. Where there is life, there is death. How we live, spend our time, energy and attention between life and death determines our life. In most cases we do not know if we will die today, tomorrow, next week or years from now - therefore life and time is precious.
Two weeks today he went into hospital with an infection that we thought would be treated by antibiotics over a few days. As the day progressed the news worsened to the point we were told he is critical and not sure if he will make it through the night. Next day 3 of us are able to visit him in Intensive Treatment Unit where he is on last stages. Within 40 mins after we have left hospital I take the call to be told he has passed away - this is 36 hours after being admitted to hospital.
Have experienced the whole gamut of emotions and 5 stages of grief. What has helped is looking back at the articles and resources I have previously shared about dealing with grief and death. The support of family, friends and community has helped provide solace as we shared prayers, memories and his qualities. We focused on not what we lost but on what we had and celebrated his life and character. I share some of the funeral service speeches and poems below.
Lalji Shah - Rest In Eternal Peace (11 Dec 2020)
Lessons to Live, Love, Learn and Legacy
Where there is grief there is love
Life and time are the two best teachers. Life teaches us to make good use of time and time teaches us the value of life.
Soul has moved on in its journey, lessons shared
Lesson for Life and Love
How to treat people both young and old - time, attention, get know and feel special
Hospitable, friendly, warm, welcoming smile
sharing/generosity - time, advice
Smarties, chocolates, mangoes, fruit or beer
Commitment, dedication, patience - married for 57 years
Integrity, doing things right, finding a way
Loving, caring, kind and helpful
Service focused - working since aged 15 for 45 years and almost 25 years of those at John Lewis Partnership, Oxford Street
Resilience, persistence
Learning/growth mindset - adapting, learning, giving things a go
Zest for life, positive encouragement
Reminded and understand that his Soul has moved on in its spiritual journey
Life is not measured in years but in moments of happiness, kindness and consciousness
Created and shared many moments of happiness
Take a moment of silence to say prayer - 3 Navkars, remember his warm infectious smile
May the Soul of Lalji Raichand Mepa Shah Rest in External Peace
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti
Thank you from the families
He Is Gone David Hawkins
He Is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on
Farewell My Friends by Rabindranath Tagore
Farewell My Friends
It was beautiful
As long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets
Whatsoever said
The pain I’ll leave behind.
Those dear hearts
Who love and care...
And the strings pulling
At the heart and soul...
The strong arms
That held me up
When my own strength
Let me down.
At the turning of my life
I came across
Good friends,
Friends who stood by me
Even when time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell My friends
I smile and
Bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears
For I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad
Do think of me
For that’s what I’ll like
When you live in the hearts
Of those you love
Remember then
You never die.
No Ordinary Human
Dear God,
How can someone be so giving?
Asking for nothing in return but your happiness. I guess you gave us, no ordinary human.
How can someone make you feel so comfortable? Where a moment in his space has a profound effect on yours.
I guess you gave us, no ordinary human.
When in his presence you forgot the worlds pressures And we laughed out loud like children.
I guess you gave, us no ordinary human.
When I can see his quality in the eyes of his children, so full of kindness & joy.
I guess you gave, us no ordinary human.
So God, I ask one favour, take good care of this soul. As I can definitely confirm.
You lent us for a while, an extraordinary human.
Tony Herbert 14th December 2020
Written by a friend of the family after a prayer and memory sharing zoom meeting
Looking forward to serving you in 2021
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
(4) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can create a win-win result.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
WHAT DO WE ALL HAVE IN COMMON? COMMUNITY.
This article I am exploring the idea of community. Community has been a great support for me over the years and in particular during the Covid-19 Pandemic as previously written in Together in Isolation. There are many ideas and resources in that article that have helped me and can help you as here in the UK we go into a 2nd national lockdown. The themes covered are:
CONTROL THE CONTROLLABLES NATURE ROUTINE SPIRITUALITY & FAITH
HEALTH HUMOUR & FEEL GOOD CONNECTION MINDFULNESS & PRESENT MOMENT
LEARNING KINDNESS REFLECTION, GRATITUDE AND JOURNALLING
3 of the Inspiration Point guests have contributed to that article before the 1st national lockdown in March 2020.
Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash
Happy Diwali and Happy World Kindness Day
The team at Happy Life Habits wish a Happy Diwali and Happy World Kindness Day to those celebrating.
In this short article I am exploring the idea of community. Community has been a great support for me over the years and in particular during the Covid-19 Pandemic as previously written in Together in Isolation. There are many ideas and resources in that article that have helped me and can help you as during 2nd national lockdown. The themes covered are:
CONTROL THE CONTROLLABLES NATURE ROUTINE SPIRITUALITY & FAITH HEALTH HUMOUR & FEEL GOOD MINDFULNESS & PRESENT MOMENT CONNECTION LEARNING GRATITUDE AND JOURNALLING KINDNESS REFLECTION
Three (Nick Williams, Sanjay Shah and Beejal Coulson) of the Inspiration Point guests have contributed to that article before the 1st national lockdown in March 2020.
Being Part of Communities
Being parts of various communities has been a huge support to me. Recently over a 7 or so day spell in my calendar almost each day was community related activities including Happy Life Habits (HLH). This was :
Thursday : Attending a talk organised by Shishukunj
Sunday : HLH Gratitude & Journal Habit Training Course workshop
Monday: HLH BookClub
Tuesday: HLH Inspiration Point
Wednesday: Diwali meeting for celebrations planned on 14th November by SCVP and Young Jains
Thursday: Co-Facilitating Young Jains Enriching Conversations on these of Diwali: Shine the Right Light
Friday : Teaching at SCVP Jain School
Happy Diwali to those celebrating. Happy World Kindness Day - 13th Nov.
I enjoy and learn from being part of those communities and feel connected.
We also received good news that the HelpVeerNow campaign shared. Through their efforts to get more people registered on donor databases to increase the chances of finding a bone marrow match for Veer; a registrant in India has been found to be match for another person - saving a life. Without the HelpVeerNow campaign and community the donor may not have registered. This gives hope that a match can be found for Veer. Register and tell others to register, details at www.HelpVeerNow.org
What is Community
From wikipedia
A community is a social unit (a group of living things) with commonality such as norms, religion, values, customs, or identity. Communities may share a sense of place situated in a given geographical area (e.g. a country, village, town, or neighbourhood) or in virtual space through communication platforms. Durable relations that extend beyond immediate genealogical ties also define a sense of community, important to their identity, practice, and roles in social institutions such as family, home, work, government, society, or humanity at large. Although communities are usually small relative to personal social ties, "community" may also refer to large group affiliations such as national communities, international communities, and virtual communities.
The English-language word "community" derives from the Old French comuneté (currently "Communauté"), which comes from the Latin communitas "community", "public spirit" (from Latin communis, "common")
From the Jain faith we have the concept of interdependence shared as …
Parasparopagraho Jīvānām (Sanskrit) is a Jain aphorism from the Tattvārtha Sūtra [5.21]. It is translated as "Souls render service to one another". It is also translated as, "All life is bound together by mutual support and interdependence." These translations are virtually the same (by virtue, that is), because Jains believe that every living being, from a plant or a bacterium to human, has a soul and the concept forms the very basis of Jainism.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parasparopagraho_Jivanam
On reading the chapter on Ego from Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty in preparation for the next HLH Book Club session he quotes the Dalai Lama as saying
Under the bright sun, many of us are gathered together with different languages, different styles of dress, even different faiths. However all of us are the same in being human beings, we all uniquely have the thought of “I” and we’re all the same wanting happiness and in wanting to avoid suffering
Happy Life Habits (HLH) has been working hard to serve and cultivate a community of people who want to positively impact happiness and well-being levels. When we are happy, kind, optimistic or hopeful by contagion the people around us also feel that. An act of kindness done to one person ripples out to 6 others and then with each of those 6 rippling to another 6 for three further levels.
Through the HLH Community FaceBook group, the workshops, Inspiration Point, Book Club, Habit training courses we seek to bring people together, have a sense of connection, share inspiration, support each other and build a positive community.
If this resonates with you, you can help us with the crowdfunding campaign running for a few week. You can donate, claim a reward such as a journal, workshop or a place on the Gratitude and Journal Habit Immersion Training Course starting 4th January 2021. If we reach our target and meet some other criteria, the Mayor of London will give us additional funding which will allow us to do more for free or low cost.
https://payitforward.london.gov.uk/hlh-sharing-positivity-resilience
Many thanks to those who have already supported and shared the campaign.
Over the remaining part of this year we have a few events detailed on the events page.
These include:
Last Episode of Inspiration Point Series 1 : 24th November
Manage Your Mindset and Money Workshop : 1st December (in collaboration with Priti Shah from LightSide Financial)
Remaining Gratitude & Journal Habit Immersion Training Course sessions for November (you can secure place for £60 instead of £75 via crowdfunding)
Looking back, Looking Forward Workshop : 13 Dec (TBC) (sign up via crowdfunding)
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
(4) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can create a win-win result.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
HELP HAPPY LIFE HABITS KEEP HAVING POSITIVE IMPACT
During the month we celebrate Thanksgiving, Happy Life Habits (HLH) is crowdfunding via the Mayor of London’s Pay it Forward crowdfunding platform. If we reach our funding target and other criteria we will get some extra funding towards the work we do of “Positively Impact Happiness & Well-being Levels” through free or low cost, high value services and products that have helped many, maybe even you.
https://payitforward.london.gov.uk/hlh-sharing-positivity-resilience
https://payitforward.london.gov.uk/hlh-sharing-positivity-resilience
Happy Life Habits is Crowd Funding
During the month of November, we celebrate Thanksgiving, Happy Life Habits (HLH) is crowdfunding via the Mayor of London’s Pay it Forward crowdfunding platform. If we reach our funding target and other criteria, we will get some extra funding towards the work we do of “Positively Impact Happiness & Well-being Levels” through free or low cost, high value services and products that have helped many, maybe even you.
The Mayor’s platform is called Pay It Forward.
Here is a brief reminder of some of the services and events shared in 2020:
2 Free workshops on Happier Relationships for SCVP - Feb
Free talks at community groups
Together in Isolation article to support during the pandemic.
3 Free Happiness Boosters on International Day of Happiness - Mar 20
Many Free Happiness Boosters through the lockdown
Videos to support during Mental Health Awareness Week -May
Free Daily Happiness Boosters during Mental Health Awareness Week -May
Free Live Workshops on Happiness / Gratitude : HelpVeerNow Extravanganza (May), Day 6 of Mental Health Awareness Week (May), October Workshop
Oshwal Mental Well being Seminar - Helped as part of team to develop and deliver
Launch of Low Cost, High Impact - HLH 30 Day Gratitude & Journal Habit Immersion Training Course (June - 2 sets, July, Sep, Nov)
Talks/workshops to companies : Xerox, David Phillips, HB Accountants, Will Writers Society
Free Manage Your Mindset and Money workshop with LightSide Financial at Shishukunj Bethak (Sep) , HLH (Dec)
Launch of Happy Life Habits Book Club
Launch of Free Inspiration Point live sessions and Podcast - Series 1 , 6 Episodes
Regular article/post sharing on Social Media : Facebook Happy Life Habits Page , Facebook HLH Community group, LinkedIn, YouTube, Anchor Podcast, HLH website, EventBrite
Providing Happiness Journals/books
Coaching formal/informal
5 Free 21 Day Challenges to support mindset during lockdown on : Simple living, Reverence for Life, Kindness, Gratitude and Mindfulness
We are a business for good we have given a book or 365 days access to a book to those in need in India via Buy 1 Give 1 (B1G1) for each place booked on the Gratitude & Journal Course.
This is your opportunity to help SUPPORT HLH continue to SERVE WITH free and low cost high value services and products
There are various rewards you can apply for as an individual, group, company or corporate.
In the line from the film Jerry McGuire (adapted)
HELP ME TO
HELP YOU &
HELP OTHERS
Click here to go to the crowdfunding page
https://payitforward.london.gov.uk/hlh-sharing-positivity-resilience
With THANKs, gratitude and kind regards for your support
Shaileen Shah - The Happiness Coach
Happy Life Habits- Positively Impacting Happiness & Well Being Levels
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
(4) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can create a win-win result.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
TAKE MY BREATH AWAY : THE INEVITABLE - DEATH, THE END OF LIVING - ONE YEAR ON
The theme of death and loss is back in my awareness. Over the months we have explored it in Young Jains Enriching Conversations. Many friends, family and people in the community over the last 2 weeks have lost a close loved one. I shared with them an article I wrote last year upon the death of a close friend, Bobby Shah, on 15th October. The article has my thoughts feelings and also some resources that may help. Since originally writing it almost exactly a year ago I have shared it with many and edited to include a wonderful podcast from commune. Really do check out the article and resources - share with those who you may know are dealing with the loss of a loved one.
The theme of death and loss is back in my awareness. Over the months we have explored it in Young Jains Enriching Conversations. Many friends, family and people in the community over the last 2 weeks have lost a close loved one. I shared with them an article I wrote last year upon the death of a close friend, Bobby Shah, on 15th October. The article has my thoughts feelings and also some resources that may help. Since originally writing it almost exactly a year ago I have shared it with many and edited to include a wonderful podcast from commune. Really do check out the article and resources - share with those who you may know are dealing with the loss of a loved one.
https://www.happylifehabits.co.uk/news/2019/10/17/the-inevitable-death
As shared in a recent post I celebrated my 50th birthday and covered connection and time as themes. Over the birthday weekend I have great zoom catch ups with a variety of people from the different communities I am part of. It was lovely. Last year when thinking about planning celebrations for my 50th, I had seen Bobby as part of the celebrations as we continued to share milestones in our lives.
In the Happy Life Habits Book Club we are reading Jay Shetty’s Think Like A Monk. In the first section “Letting Go” chapter 3 is titled Fear. The quote for the chapter is:
Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life. - Buddha
At the start of the book it shares that at the start of life we breathe and at the end of life we take our last breath. Important to be aware of our breathing as it is connection to our emotions.
THERE IS A THIEF IN THE CITY
Below is a Kabir Cafe T-shirt I have based on a poem by the legendary 15th Centuary mystic and poet Kabir. It has been made into a lovely fusion song by Neeraj Arya’s Kabir Cafe. The title is “Be alert there is a thief in the city”. It is referring to death. Listen to the song in the video below and read the translation.
Kabir Cafe T-Shirt - Be Alert, Death is in the neighbourhood
Here is a great video from karmatube on the idea of a death walker : https://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=8662
WHAT SEEDS ARE YOU PLANTING?
Many a time I have contemplated on that each day we live we get closer to death. The true deadline. What we have to do is keep this in our awareness from time to time so that we can truly live, be fulfilled instead of deal with the mundane. Each moment counts and the more moments shared with happiness, kindness and love the happier our lives. From the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Dr Stephen Covey, Habit 2 is Begin with the End in Mind. There is a great exercise where we do begin with the end in my and contemplate our funeral and consider what we want people to say about us at that time. This helps us see what is important in our live and the values we want to cultivate.
This week on a small pot plant on the window sill emerges signs of life. It is either chillis or capsicums - those we the seeds planted.
Seedlings growing
Check out www.HappyLifeHabits.co.uk for Inspiration Point episodes to book tickets and watch recordings as well as book Gratitude Workshop and Gratitude & Journal Habit Immersion Training Course.
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
(4) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can create a win-win result.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
Happy Birthday - Time to Connect
I write this on the eve of turning 50. What to say? These birthday celebrations are way different from what we had in mind last year or even at the beginning of this year. We were making plans to have family from USA and Kenya come visit during the summer and arrange a few get togethers with both sides of the families - both in terms of mine and my wife’s as well as both in terms of my dad’s and mum’s side. This is a lot of people. The celebrations would be for my son turning 16, completing GCSE exams and me turning 50. With the pandemic issue we can’t have more than 6 people meet.
I remember before I turned 24, I had just started my first real job and career out of university. I was a junior consultant in a US based technology consulting firm. I had been to Cambridge, Massachusetts for month long orientation training. During one weekend we had driven to New York, the Big Apple. I was then back in the UK working on projects, work then had become quieter in the UK. During September they shipped a few of out to projects in the USA. I ended up in Lansing, Michigan for a good few weeks. One weekend we took off to Lake Michigan - more like am ocean than a lake. I ended up spending my birthday weekend driving with a friend to Toronto, Canada where he had his family. I was away from family and friends. Being with my friend and his family was fine but I felt alone and did not enjoy that birthday experience. I enjoy being around people, especially family and friends and I enjoy celebration birthdays. Happy Birthday - I has HAPPY in the phrase and it has Birth - Life, so a Happiness Coach calling his company Happy Life Habits loves celebrating birthdays be they his own or others.
I was reminded by Facebook of a post from a few years ago which is a real treasure and I share here which share the difference between a contact and connection.
A Monk of the RamaKrishna Mission was being interviewed by a journalist from NY.
Journalist - "Sir, in your last lecture, you told us about Jogajog (contact) & Sanjog (connection). It's really confusing. Can you explain ? "
The Monk smiled and apparently deviating from the question asked the journalist:
"Are you from New York?"
Journalist - "Yeh..."
Monk - "Who are there at home?”
The Journalist felt that the Monk was trying to avoid answering his question since this was a very personal and unwarranted question. Yet the journalist said: “Mother has expired. Father is there. Three brothers and one sister. All married..."
The Monk, with a smile on his face, asked again: “Do you talk to your father?"
The journalist looked visibly annoyed...
The Monk - “When did you talk to him last?"
The journalist, supressing his annoyance said: "May be a month ago."
The Monk: “Do you brothers and sisters meet often? When did you meet last as a family gathering?"
At this point, sweat appeared on the forehead of the journalist. Now who was conducting the interview, the Monk or the Journalist? It seemed that the Monk was interviewing the Journalist.
With a sigh, the Journalist said: “We met last at Christmas two years ago."
The Monk: “How many days did you all stay together ?"
The Journalist (wiping the sweat on his brow) said: “Three days..."
Monk: "How much time did you spend with your Father, sitting right beside him?"
The journalist looking perplexed and embarrassed and started scribbling something on a paper...
The Monk: "Did you have breakfast, lunch or dinner together? Did you ask how he was? Did you ask how his days are passing after your mother's death?"
Drops of tears coming out started to flow from the eyes of the journalist.
The Monk held the hand of the journalist and said: “Don't be embarrassed, upset or sad. I am sorry if I have hurt you unknowingly... But this is basically the answer to your question about "contact and connection (Jogajog and Sanjog)". You have 'contact' with your father but you don't have 'connection' with him. You are not connected to him. Connection is between heart and heart... sitting together, sharing meals and caring for each other ; touching, shaking hands, having eye contact, spending some time together...You brothers and sisters have 'contact' but you have no 'connection' with each other...."
The journalist wiped his eyes and said: "Thanks for teaching me a fine and unforgettable lesson"
This is the reality today. Whether at home or in the society everybody has lots of contacts but there is no connection. No communication... Everybody is in his or her own world.
Let us not maintain just "contacts" but let us remain "connected"; caring, sharing and spending time with all our dear ones.
*****
The Monk was none other than Swami Vivekananda
Lessons Learned at 50
There are many people who have come into my life, there are many mistakes made, lessons learned, many inspirers, many joyous moments and continue to do so. Some of these lessons relate to a few themes.
TIME is our most precious resource. We don’t know how much we have left so use it wisely.
CONNECTION is central to our existence. The much loved and shared Brene Brown quote says it all. Check out this awesome blog on connection.
We have 3 main relationships or connections:
with our self
with others
with our higher self, nature, universe, God
The Happy Life Habits logo is all about connection, it is a connected pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
The below quote was share on HLH Community group when within a few days we developed the HLH Book Club. Thanks Mary T for inspiring it.
“‘Time is our most precious resource. We should not waste it. If it fits with my mission, serves, feels right, positively impacts, makes me smile, adds to the greater good, enthuses and inspires me and have the opportunity to be with wonderful like minded people - why wait? ”
Manage your TIME, ENERGY & ATTENTION
I am hoping to share sessions on this in 2021
HABITS OF THE HEART & SOUL : GRATITUDE, COMPASSION, KINDNESS, LOVE, FORGIVENESS, MINDFULNESS
return wonderful returns when developed - they are all about connection.
“Our life is made up of a series of moments. We live moment to moment. The more happy moments we can have and create the happier our life will be. ”
All the current Happy Life Habit projects and activities relate to these themes : The Happiness Boosters, The Gratitude Workshop, The Gratitude and Journal Habit Immersion Course, The HLH Book Club and the newly launched Inspiration Point. I look forward to connecting with you and being part of the Happy Life Habits Community with you.
Many thanks to all the attendees, participants, partners, supporters and sponsors.
With Love, Warmth, Gratitude and Kindness
Shaileen Shah - The Happiness Coach - 50 Years Old - still got a long way to go.
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
(4) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can create a win-win result.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
Inspiration Booked & Opportunities
This blog post article looks at:
Recent Inspiration
Work Life Harmony
Some Opportunities
New Ideas
This blog post article looks at:
Recent Inspiration
Work Life Harmony
Some Opportunities
New Ideas
Recent Inspiration
Reminiscing, this time last year about a family road trip of lifetime visiting the Canyons. Amazing experiences and views of natures beauty. In Bryce Canyon we did a morning sunrise trek to Inspiration Point.
I reflected on my current week and observed the following regarding books and webinars as inspiration points.
The first was learning about the amazing teachings of the book the Hindu text the Bhagavad Gita in our Jain School. Our true nature is separate from the body we identify with. Later, organised by JITO and JVB organisations where Shiv Khera shared on "Turning Setbacks into Turnbacks". I read his book, "You Can Win", a while back. In the talk he shared
"Success is a series of positive choices"
and reminded that
"Direction is more important than speed".
I Took part being interviewed in my first podcast, This was with Camden Boyd, The Happiness Question Podcast. I enjoyed the podcast and the questions asked about Happy Life Habits.
I attended Action for Happiness webinar with Mo Gawdat interviewed by Mark Williamson sharing on the topic "Silver Linings". It was another fantastic session. The books related were "10 Keys to Happier Living" an "Solve for Happy" (to be read).
What has inspired you recently?
Work Life Harmony
Recently I was invited again for the 3rd year to Xerox to share a session with their Group Accounting team. Previously I had been invited to share on Happiness at Work ideas and implementation at the Annual Accounting Conference for Chief Group Accountants of various countries.
This time with many working from home and the challenges due to the virus situation I was asked to share ideas and practical tips on Work Life Balance or Work Life Harmony/Integration as I like to consider it.
The Group Accountants for various countries were asked
“Apart from work what are the things that are important to you, you enjoy doing, make you happy?” List at least 8.
They gave answers which included: Time with family or friends, reading, exercise, meditation and cooking.
For you “Apart from work what are the things that are important to you, you enjoy doing, make you happy?”
Some Opportunities
Following the success of June and July Gratitude & Journal Habit Immersion Training Course; registration is open for the September Course.
Happy Life Habits has a Resilience & Positivity Training Course for employees facing uncertainty, furlough, redundancy or need of a positive change. Please do share the resources from Lightside Financial and Happy Life Habits on Money & Mindset with HR teams and leaders in your place of work or network. Also have a Free Happiness Booster available for companies, networking or community groups.
New Ideas
I’ve been sharing some posts recently on LinkedIn, you can connect if you want to see them.
Happy Life Habits is going to launch a series of inspiring talks inviting individuals /speakers to come and share on a few questions about their journey, challenges faced and how overcome, daily habits, lessons and advice from parents etc. If you would like to take part or have suggestions please get in touch.
I am taking part in a 14 day The Happiness Challenge by Mo Gawdat - Ex Google and author of Solve for Happy. This starts on 10 August and looks interesting. Come join me, get in touch if you are taking part and want to share the experience together.
There is a talk by Nick Williams on Discovering the Work You Were Born to Do NOW: Find and Follow Your Calling. This is on Tuesday 11th Aug 5 pm UK time.
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
(4) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can create a win-win result.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Happy Life Habits WhatsApp Group
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
To Be or Not to Be? – That is the question or is it a choice? Be a Caterpillar, Become a Butterfly
This article is about learning, change growth, development and transformation.
This article is about learning, change growth, development and transformation.
“Until you value yourself you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. ”
The Success People Vs Unsuccessful people graphic I remember seeing many years ago, I loved it the moment I saw it and printed a few colour copies and had put up in bedroom and books. Does not need any more comment. Have a read and see what resonates and where gaps are for you.
Not sure of source - had seen many years ago
“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.”
This fabulous video from Master Shi Heng Yi sharing about Self Mastery is steeped with so much wisdom and insight. I have watched a few times and each time gained something. It really resonates with me and I see connection to my faith and spiritual path.
“To Be or Not to Be? – That is a question or is it a choice?
Be a Caterpillar, Become a Butterfly
By a Wanna Be Butterfly Shaileen Shah 26 Sep 2017
Dedicated to all the teachers and inspirers past, present and future; who have guided us to make this world better by making ourselves better. Lessons, values, guidelines, way of living learnt through family, friends, films, books, seminars, workshops, talks, teachers, TED talks, newsletters, articles, blogs, conversations and ponderings.
Behind you lies the past
Before you awaits the future
Be present, be here, now
Be blissful, joyful, happy and peaceful
Be conscious, conscientious, insightful and natural
Be energetic, be moving, be moved and be still
Be a seeker, aspirer, Divine, graceful and of service
Be wholesome, authentic, an observer and a witness
Be grateful, humble, generous and giving
Be charitable, donor, giver and receiver
Be compassionate, kind, caring and loving
Be forgiving, honest, straightforward and content
Be awake, alive, awesome, extraordinary and wonderful
Be careful, respectful, carefree and tolerant
Be a follower, leader, trailblazer and a guide
Be on The Path, be off the beaten track
Be the light, beacon, role model and mentor
Be a teacher, student, learning, teachable and sharer
Be growing, nurturing, developing and blossoming
Be listening, consoling, be consultative, and approachable
Be flexible, adaptable, open and perspective shifting
Be encouraging, supportive, dependable and helpful
Be proactive, responsible, accountable and resourceful
Be cooperative, patient, synergistic and part of the solution
Be going the extra mile, adding value, not giving up and keep moving forward
Be positive, enthusiastic, insightful and optimistic
Be focussed, steadfast, persistent, grounded and centred
Be brave, courageous, bold and fearless
Be creative, imaginative, visionary, daring and clear
Be connected, a team player, performer and game changer
Be prepared, planned, ready, organised and spontaneous
Be engaging, gregarious, humorous and funny
Be hospitable, welcoming, warm and big hearted
Be trustworthy, trusting, loyal, complete and full of integrity
Be mindful, aware, attentive, tuned in and be there
Be inquisitive, curious, and adventurous
Be healthy, wealthy and wise
Be better today than you were yesterday
Believe in yourself, have faith and move mountains
Be reflective, contemplative, introspective and meditative
Be the change, be transformative, evolving and a catalyst
Be the best that you can be, a masterpiece, unique and special
Be yourself, realise your potential and be free
Be a caterpillar, become a butterfly
Too busy to just be?
Be reminded it is a choice to be or not to be
Just Be.
”
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
(4) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can create a win-win result.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Happy Life Habits WhatsApp Group
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
LOCK DOWN LAB: LIFE BY DESIGN - YOU THE ARCHITECT
This and the few related articles are about the golden opportunity we have for learning, change growth, development and transformation. Moving from a caterpillar to being in a cocoon to become a butterfly. They blend ideas and snippets on needs, mindsets, zones and actions from Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Abraham Maslow, Carol Dweck, Nelson Mandela, Robin Sharma, Forrest Gump and a few others.
This one looks at the idea of a Lockdown Lab and moving from a zone of fear to learning to growth and to contribution.
This and the few related articles are about the golden opportunity we have for learning, change growth, development and transformation. Moving from a caterpillar to being in a cocoon to become a butterfly. They blend ideas and snippets on needs, mindsets, zones and actions from Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Abraham Maslow, Carol Dweck, Nelson Mandela, Robin Sharma, Forrest Gump and a few others.
IT TAKES 21 DAYS TO CREATE A HABIT,90 DAYS TO CREATE A LIFESTYLE
LOCKDOWN LAB
Many of us have we have already had 21 days of lock down and another few weeks are in progress and there could be many more weeks. This is a golden opportunity to step out of our comfort zone and grow. This is the cocoon phase of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. An incubation/transformation period. We have an explorative lab where we are both the subject of that lab as well as the experimenter. We are both the architect and the product of the design. We can come out at the other end, when ever that will be, as a better, improved, more resilience, capable, productive, effective, compassionate version of ourselves or we can choose to maintain the status quo and stay as just it. We can choose to improve areas of our physical, mental, social/emotional and spiritual dimensions. This great little video by Jean-Pierre De Villers (JPDV) is about Being Like Nelson Mandela shares how Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years (we are in lock down for a few weeks or months, hopefully not years!). He shares
“I wasn’t in prison, I was preparing” - Nelson Mandela
What can you prepare for during the time in lock down? JPDV also shares a focus on Contribution Vs Consumption and about showing up in love, gratitude and service.
The graphic shows some of the potential zones we can operate from and spend time in during a crisis/challenge such as COVID-19. As I was writing about comfort zones I found some more graphics which this one is based upon and adapted from where the far left circle “Who do I want to be during COVID-19” actually says “Comfort Zone”.
We can choose to be in the fear zone and express the behaviours that are fed by fear including complaining and victim mode. This is a very reactive zone. We all probably spent some time in that zone when the pandemic broke out where we were. How long we spend there is our choice and some will spend most of the pandemic time / lock down period there while others will choose to transition to the learning zone. In the learning zone we observe, reflect, think contemplate, seek reliable information and make choices on how we want to respond. In continuing to do this we step into the growth zone where we have expanded our knowledge, skills, attitude, capabilities and impact. We have expanded our comfort zone, we have made it grow. The learning and growth zones are where we are choosing our response. We are becoming more. Personally, I would split the growth zone and move some of the items from there to the zone of contribution/service.
I don’t have any medical qualifications, not even a scouts badge for first aid (might be to do with the fact I never went to the scouts!) or any training in neuroscience. However, how the brain works, the potential we have and how we learn has fascinated me for a long time hence my interest in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), accelerated learning, habits, emotions, behaviour, psychology and such like areas. Here I share what I have understood, caveat, it may not be medically accurate! What I have understood is that the theory about different parts of the brain have different functions. Brain functions are complex and some of the models describe that we have the left (logic, reasoning, intelligence etc) and right (creative, emotion, intuition etc) sides as well as another model about the 3 brains: (1) The Reptilian (housekeeping) , (2) Mammalian/Limbic (Emotion) and (3) the NeoCortex (thinking/reasoning). The Amygdala, a part of the brain in the Limbic brain has a key role in fear response, our survival mechanism / threat /stress system to instigate our fight, flight or freeze response to a situation. It sends a distress signal to the hypthalamus in a chain of reactions that result in the release of hormones cortisol and adrenaline. These are part of our stress response. What happens is that anything such as a loud noise, an unfamiliar object or situation can activate the threat system and release these stress hormones getting us ready at a perceived threat which may not actually be a threat. We keep doing this and not dissipate the stress chemicals we will suffer prolonged stress and all associated with it such as anxiety, worry, sleep disorder, food disorder, chronic pain, depression, lack of connectivity etc. What we want to do is learn practices that help shift control to the neocortex the thinking /reasoning brain to actually assess and decide if it is a real threat. If it is a threat the neocortex can give control to the limbic brain and the Amygdala and let them do their stuff. If it is not a real immediate threat no need to be anxious, fearful or releasing the stress hormones. Instead it can focus on a response as opposed to a reaction.
Source Swissotel Hotel and Resorts
With learning and practices such as mindfulness, meditation, gratitude and such what we are doing is move control to the neocortex to choose a response. We are moving from the Fear Zone to Learning, Growth and Contribution Zones. In short we are using the higher capacities of the evolved brain. Moving from reflex reaction to choosing response. Taking more control of our circumstances as opposed to the circumstances controlling us.
Robin Sharma in Winning in Hard Times shares lots of great ideas for both personal and business. He shares:
Heroes are built in times of storm
The old must fall away for something better to be created
Enjoy the world but don’t be of the world
He cites that Churchill became Churchill, Nelson Mandela become Nelson Mandela, Rosa Parks become Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King become Martin Luther King and Gandhi became Gandhi when they dealt with and overcame an adversity or challenge. That challenge gave them the opportunity to grow and become who they became. They did not act as victims but instead saw opportunity. The Lock Down is an opportunity, it is a reset a reboot. Focus on developing character, skills, qualities and habits. It is the Quadrant II (QII) area of Habit 3 First Things First from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The stuff that is important but not urgent; what we often struggle to create time to do as we are so busy on urgent (but maybe not important things); the QII space for reflection, planning, values review and asking and contemplating the big questions.
"Unlike your fingerprints that you are born with and can’t change, character is something that you create within yourself and must take responsibility for changing." - Jim Rohn
“Making space for growth.
I was sitting on my balcony one recent morning, enjoying a cup of tea, when I looked over at our jasmine plant and realized that it hadn’t yet flowered this season.
The leaves had been reddish brown since the winter, but they hadn’t fallen. I don’t have much of a green thumb, but something felt off. So last week I decided to prune the plant, carefully removing all the non-green leaves.
The next day I came outside and there were already a dozen new sprouting leaves. The day after that, I glimpsed a handful of teeny-tiny flower buds.
This whole time I was waiting for the jasmine plant to flower, I was wondering what more it needed — more fertilizer, more water, or perhaps more sun. Turns out, the only thing holding it back from growing was its past self.
It made me wonder — how much of our growth relies on first trimming what no longer serves us?
What do we need to release so that we can flourish in the next season?
What if we were to prune all the preconceived notions of who we are?
All the regrets of the past and the anxieties about the future.
All the outside influences telling us who we should be.
The pride, the ego, the baggage — snipping and letting these things fall away.
What new season of life can we step into after we make space for our own growth?”
WHAT WILL YOU CHOOSE TO DESIGN & CREATE?
RESOURCES
Great article by Greater Good Science Centre on daily checklist questions to ask yourself during quarantine. The questions we ask help us focus, and decisions determine our destiny.
How To Not Go Crazy Under Quarantine Charles Duhigg Podcast (The Power of Habit).
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
(4) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can create a win-win result.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Happy Life Habits WhatsApp Group
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
Support & Services for Mental Health Awareness Week 18 -24 May
Happy Life Habits is supporting and serving Mental Health Awareness Week in a variety of ways. This article shares the support and services provided by Happy Life Habits and some other organisations.
Happy Life Habits is supporting and serving Mental Health Awareness Week in a variety of ways. This article shares the support and services provided by Happy Life Habits and some other organisations. I am excited to share that Happy Life Habits is fully supporting Mental Health Awareness Week in a variety of ways. Click the various images, videos, article and event links.
Look after you own mental health and wellbeing. Help others look after theirs.
HAPPY LIFE HABIT SERVING
1. HAPPINESS BOOSTER SESSIONS
The Free Happiness Booster Sessions that we have been running during pandemic has been extended to be provided Monday 18 - Friday 22 May 2020 at 9:30 am each morning.
2. VIDEO SERIES ON MENTAL HEALTH - 1 VIDEO EACH DAY
3. LIVE SESSION ON SATURDAY 23RD MAY
4. ARTICLES RELATED TO MENTAL HEALTH THEMES
5. OTHER ORGANISATION MENTAL HEALTH RELATED EVENTS
The support & services being provided by Happy Life Habits
Daily Video Series
OTHER ORGANISATION MENTAL HEALTH RELATED EVENTS
I am helping at the Young Jain Enriching Conversations event on Wednesday 20th May 20:00 -21:15 and speaking at Oshwal Mental Wellbeing Seminar on Sunday 24th May 14:00 -15:30. I attend the Friday SCVP Mindfulness class.
Avanti Schools Trust Family Well Being with Dr Kang Monday 18 May 17:30 -18:30
Mental Health for the SME and Freelance Community Thursay 21 May 11:00
Museum of Happiness Happy Minds Matter event Thursday 21 May 19:30 -20:30
Daily Meditation by my friend Deepa, her son and monkey. On Facebook “Meditate with Monkey and Me”
THANK YOU
Thank you for reading this and sharing.
Harshna and family thanks for your support and encouragement.
Priti Shah of Lightside Financial thank you for support and help in promoting mental health awareness week.
Sawan Gosrani thank you for the nudge to Bhavik Haria’s getdigital video training. Bhavik thanks for your training.
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can work a win-win result.
(4) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Happy Life Habits WhatsApp Group
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
MOANS & ZONES: BOREDER Vs BORDER
This and the few related articles are about the golden opportunity we have for learning, change growth, development and transformation. Moving from a caterpillar to being in a cocoon to become a butterfly. They blend ideas and snippets on needs, mindsets, zones and actions from Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Abraham Maslow, Carol Dweck, Nelson Mandela, Robin Sharma, Forrest Gump and a few others.
This one is about fixed and growth mindsets, comfort zones, support and challenge.
This and the few related articles are about the golden opportunity we have for learning, change growth, development and transformation. Moving from a caterpillar to being in a cocoon to become a butterfly. They blend ideas and snippets on needs, mindsets, zones and actions from Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Abraham Maslow, Carol Dweck, Nelson Mandela, Robin Sharma, Forrest Gump and a few others.
MINDSETS : FIXED VS GROWTH
“My momma always said, ‘
Life is like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you’re gonna get’.” - Forrest Gump
“My momma always said, ‘Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get’” Forrest Gump
Relating to the comfort zone concept, Carol Dweck, a researcher in the field of motivation and author of the book mindsets shares ideas about a Fixed Mindset and a Growth Mindset. A person with fixed mindset is set in their ways and feels can’t change while a person with a growth mindset believes in possibility and progress. They believe in the 7th Habit of Sharpen the Saw, Self Renewal.
In a fixed mindset students believe their basic abilities, their intelligence, their talents, are just fixed traits. They have a certain amount and that's that, and then their goal becomes to look smart all the time and never look dumb. In a growth mindset students understand that their talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching and persistence. They don't necessarily think everyone's the same or anyone can be Einstein, but they believe everyone can get smarter if they work at it.
— Carol Dweck, Stanford University
This is shared in the TED Talk The Power of Believing that you can Improve where the idea of the grade NOT YET is explained and understood that we are on a learning curve. The process and the effort is praised and encouraged rather than the end result, this helps move out of the comfort zone and create new neural connections.
I recently watched Forrest Gump after a long break of last watching it (having watched it a gazzilion times in the past). The movie has so many wonderful messages and stories. What leapt out on this recent viewing was that Forrest had a Growth Mindset which had been nurtured by his mum early in his life and helped him deal with a variety of adversities and challenges.
It let him become the best in many of the endeavours he undertook be that college football, Vietnam army soldier, ping pong champion, Bubba Gump shrimping or running long distances to name but a few. I really recommend that you watch the film again very soon. Again as writing this piece I discovered that Forrest Gump and Growth Mindset has been explored in this article The Lessons of Growth Mindset and The Forrest Gump Movie.
ZONES : COMFORT, FEAR, LEARNING, GROWTH
Relax, sit back, sit comfortably as we look at comfort zones. This concept has served me well and helped make sense of many experiences as well as take opportunities. The comfort zone is where we have control, certainty and feel safe. Where know and control what happens in this zone it where where we are content, happy and can be bored. Just outside the comfort zone are things that make use anxious, feel fear, uncertainty and be uncomfortable. We often don’t want to step outside the comfort zone and feel those things. However sometimes a situation occurs which either forces us or makes us choose to step out into the unknown.. This may be a pandemic, job loss, death, illness, opportunity of a new role, parenthood, new hobby, new friends/partners, winning the lottery, roller coaster ride, bungee jump - you get the idea. Often we will initially feel fear, nervous, anxious due to the unknown, uncertainty due to our safety mechanisms . Sometimes we may initially feel or switch to excitement, adventure, enthusiasm. What I have been told is that feeling nervous or excited occur in the same parts of the brain and release the same chemicals into our body, it is in one sense the same feeling but our representation, thoughts or meaning we give it makes it be nervousness or excitement. So on occasion when we feel nervous we could re-frame it as excitement and be at a better energy level and resourceful state. I sometimes do this before a workshop or talk when I am feeling initially nervous.
When we step out of comfort zone by a little bit, work through the fear to learn and grow we expand out comfort zone. We keep doing this and slowly but surely we keep expanding and growing. If we are caused to or choose to step out too far from our comfort zone then we risk feelings of overwhelm, not able to cope, stress and we can snap. Too much is being asked of our capabilities. To be able to deal with things way outside our comfort zone we need to develop our mindset, skill set and tool set as well as support systems. Without one or more of these we may be too stretched - a step or more too far can then cause hurt and harm (self esteem, confidence, belief, mental health etc).
OUR GROWTH IS AT THE BORDER OF SUPPORT AND CHALLENGE
To much support and not enough challenge we get lazy, bored , let others do it, do not learn, we don’t grow. Too much challenge and not enough support we break, snap, meltdown. The combination of both support and challenge has to be just right to lead to growth. This is an important consideration for parents, carers, teachers, managers and trainers. The caterpillar to butterfly story shares an example of too much support.
There is the story of a young boy who saw a caterpillar spin a cocoon. He watched it for weeks and one day noticed a small opening in the cocoon shell. He could the caterpillar working its way to get out, it was struggling. In his innocence to be helpful and not knowing any different he decided to help the caterpillar by breaking the cocoon open for it. The caterpillar emerged as a deformed butterfly with a fat body, deformed wings and not to its true potential or being. Not able to fully fly or live as the butterfly it should be it soon after died. The boy did not know that for the caterpillar to become a fully fledged and functioning butterfly it had to face the challenge itself to break open the cocoon thereby pushing the liquid its body throughout its legs and also into its wings to form the wings. It had to go through the transformation.
Like and elastic band we need to be flexible and stretch to the correct amount to be effective and useful. To little stretch the elastic band can’t do its function, too much stretch and it snaps and breaks.
Fear, Learning and Growth Zones is shared in the next article.
I’ve been observing and applying some of these ideas as I prepare to share a session by FaceBook Live - a new experience for me.
And that’s all I have to say about that!
A request dear friend and reader.
(1) If you have enjoyed some of the articles I have shared and found useful please reply to shaileen@happylifehabits.co.uk and let me know.
(2) If you are not a subscriber to the Happy Life Habits email list - please sign up.
(3) If you want to engage my services for coaching, speaking or training get in touch and lets see if we can work a win-win result.
(4) If you think someone else might benefit from this please share with them.
If you want to receive articles, information on events and support Happy Life Habits sign up to the join the email list.
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Community Group
Happy Life Habits FaceBook Page
Happy Life Habits WhatsApp Group
Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
![[SH]IT HAPPENS!](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5bf7c05589c1727b3aaa05e1/1587829020997-62MPZXRFEYQ0ZXHWE5LJ/Stimulus+and+response.jpg)
[SH]IT HAPPENS!
This article (is on stimulus/response and needs) and a few articles are about the golden opportunity we have for learning, change growth, development and transformation. Moving from a caterpillar to being in a cocoon to become a butterfly. They blend ideas and snippets on needs, mindsets, zones and actions from Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Abraham Maslow, Carol Dweck, Nelson Mandela, Robin Sharma, Forrest Gump and a few others.
This article (is on stimulus/response and needs) and a few articles are about the golden opportunity we have for learning, change growth, development and transformation. Moving from a caterpillar to being in a cocoon to become a butterfly. They blend ideas and snippets on needs, mindsets, zones and actions from Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Abraham Maslow, Carol Dweck, Nelson Mandela, Robin Sharma, Forrest Gump and a few others.
STIMULUS AND RESPONSE
In living our life things happen, sometimes good, sometimes bad, that is based on our perception. The bottom line is IT HAPPENS.
Stephen Covey shares how one of the most profound and truly life changing experiences of his life - one conceptually fundamental to his work on the 7 Habits was when in a meditative and reflective state he read the following three sentences in a book.
BETWEEN STIMULUS AND RESPONSE THERE IS A SPACE.
IN THAT SPACE LIES OUR FREEDOM AND POWER TO CHOOSE OUR RESPONSE.
IN THOSE CHOICES LIES OUR GROWTH AND OUR HAPPINESS.
STIMULUS AND RESPONSE - OUR FREEDOM TO CHOOSE
When we have a stimulus be that a situation, challenge, confrontation, opportunity, conversation or an interaction we often respond or more accurately sometimes react with a reflex action. That may be harsh words, anger, compassion, love, violence in our thoughts, words and actions. We often react as opposed to choosing a response. With practice, reflection, awareness and effort we can choose our response. We can learn and grow to habitualise a more empowering response.
For many of us the current stimulus is the pandemic, Covid-19, the lock down. What is our response? How do we choose respond or did we react?
NEEDS
THE 6 HUMAN NEEDS
In the TED Talk by Tony Robbins, Peak Performance Coach, on Why we do what we do he shares the 6 humans needs. 4 are related to Personality and 2 to Spirit. These needs drive our behaviour. We can have these 6 needs but one is likely to be more dominant. The 6 Human needs are depicted in the image below.
The 6 Human Needs
Tony shares about the difference between lack of resources and being resourceful. He shares 3 questions to ask ourselves to be more resourceful:
What are you going to focus on?
What does it mean?
What are you going to do?
“DECISIONS SHAPE OUR DESTINY”
MASLOWS HIERACHY OF NEEDS : DEFICIENCY AND GROWTH
Many of the 6 Human Needs shared by Tony correlate with Abraham Maslow’s Heirachy of Needs.
In the journal Scientific American, an article by Scott Barry Kaufman titled: Beautiful Minds: Choose Growth shares how the needs can be grouped into 2 main classes which must be integrated for wholeness:
Deficiency/Defense Needs - often related to fears, anxieties
Growth Needs - more related to acceptance and love
by Steve Webber https://www.interiorsandsources.com/article-details/articleid/22727/title/maslow-hierarchy-design-architecture-impacts
““One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again””
4 DIMENSIONS OF A HUMAN
These again map onto the 4 Dimensions of a Human I have referred to in previous articles:
Physical,
Mental,
Social/Emotional and
Spiritual
Covey shares that these map onto the needs to : to Live, to Love, to Learn and to leave a Legacy.
Robin Sharma refers to these as the 4 Interior Empires : MindSet, HeartSet, HealthSet and SoulSet.
We look after these needs, develop ourselves in the different needs then we live a meaningful, fulfilling, happy life. If one or more is missing or not looked after we have disconnect, discontentment and feel unfulfilled and out of balance.
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Shaileen Shah is a Happiness Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Previously having been in finance technology for the investment banking arm of RBS during the RBS takeover of Natwest, the RBS takeover of ABN Ambro and the financial crisis he has experienced the challenges brought by uncertainty, change and stress. He is certified in The Science of Happiness and shares through Happy Life Habits. Happy Life Habits Positively Impacts Happiness & Well Being Levels by creatively and uniquely combining Personal Development + The Science of Happiness + Spirituality. A business for Good; supporting the UNs Sustainable Development Goals. For more information see HappyLifeHabits.co.uk.
START YOUR YEAR END REVIEW NOW
Many people in December do a end of year review to reflect on the past 12 months. They go through their calendar, diary, journal and memories to reflect and capture aspects from the year. There is a great free tool called the year compass that can help with this process available from yearcompass.com/gb. The process can be insightful, heartwarming, provide learning and growth. Instead of waiting till the end of the year to do it why not do one at the end of each month, This has the advantage of making the end of year process quicker and smoother, less chance of missing things and the benefit of getting a good feeling as you savour and reflect at the end of the month and the opportunity to savour each following month.
One way to do it is to copy some of the items from the yearcompass into a word document or google sheet and title with the chosen month then add to it each month end.
Things to consider for inclusion are:
What did I achieve this month?
What were insights I gained?
What did I learn?
What am I grateful for?
What was challenging and how did I deal with it?
Who helped me?
Who did I help?
What could I have done better?
What am I looking forward to this coming month?
The YearCompass breaks it down into a few categories which include:
Personal Life & Family
Belongings
Friends, community
Intellectual
Finances
Work, Studies, Profession
Relaxation, Hobbies, Creativity
Heath, Fitness
Emotional, Spiritual
Bucket List
This is an expansion of the 4 human dimensions of : Physical, Mental, Social/Emotional and Spiritual.
YearCompass gives opportunity to consider the time period in six sentences such as :”The wisest decision I made…”. and six questions such as “What is the best thing you have discovered about yourself?”.
There is much more to the review doc than shared here, however, hopefully this gives you a feel.
Enjoy reviewing and reflecting
6 week course designed and delivered in person for Mind In Enfield and Barnet with Barnet and Southgate College